Wednesday, March 25, 2015



Hey Gov...When did it change from 
"We the people" to "screw the people" ? 

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the 
 cellular level I'm really quite busy.

I’ve lost everything because of drugs. 
Well…I lost the remote, but it was in the fridge. 

You know your fat when: 
You can pinch an inch on your forehead. 
You need a bra for both sides. 
Your scale reads "One at a time please" 
You walk into a bakery and the pastries tremble in fear.....

Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my 
sandwich before dispensing my mustard?

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

Famous last words: 
What does this button do? 
I've seen this done on TV before. 
Pull the pin and count to what? 
Are you sure the power is off? 
Don't worry, it's fireproof. 
I wonder where the mother bear is? 
Which wire was I supposed to cut? 
Good doggie, nice doggie...........

You are validating my inherent mistrust of 

I see you've set aside this special time to 
 humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh 
 nervously, and change the subject.

I only had one beer, Cupcake....  
Can i call you Cupcake? 
Okay, I only had one beer, Officer.