Sunday, March 29, 2015



Harry Reid is stepping down due to face problems,
seems keeping track of BOTH of them has become a chore. 
He asked Nancy Pelosi to step down also but she declined 
saying Her face problems weren't paid for yet.......

What do you call immigrants to Sweden? 
Artificial Swedeners

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today.  
Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with 
her mouth closed. 

Father: I have 4 sons
 1st- Engineer
 2nd- MBA
 3rd- Ph.D
 4th- Thief
 Neighbor: Why don’t you throw your 4th son out of the 
 Father: He is the only one earning in the house, rest are jobless!!!

This dishwasher sucks. 
It's already ruined three of my paper plates.

Tell someone you love them today, because life 
is short. 
But shout it at them in German, because life is also 
terrifying and confusing. 

I believe in sharing the road with other drivers 
They can have the part behind me.

My kids are gone for the WHOLE day. 
I miss them SO much, I can barely bring myself to 
pop this 3rd bottle of champagne.

I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got 
there and needed help pulling the door open. 

I want to have kids before my parents are
too old to be able to take care of them.

I slept like a rock last night, meaning 
I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under 
my belly.