Wednesday, March 4, 2015


A couple in a big box electronics store are about to buy a 
curved HDTV, so the salesman wraps up his pitch. 
"You folks," he said, "will only pay a tiny bit down, 
and then you'll pay nothing for six months." 
"Ill be damned!" said the man, "So, how did you find out?" 

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, 
the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe 

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty 
surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen 
money exploded in his Fruit-of-theLooms. 
The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the 
front of his pants as he was running out the door. 
"He was seen hopping and jumping around," 
said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an 
explosion taking place inside his pants." 
Police have the man's charred trousers in custody. 

What do you get when you cross a pig and a 
Bacon and legs....

Reason for leaving last job: 
They insisted that all employees get to work by 
8:45 a.m. every morning. 
Could not work under those conditions.

According to newspaper accounts, the first powered airplane 
was flown in Texas nearly forty years before the 
Wright Brothers version in 1903. 
Inventor-pilot Jacob Brodbeck powered the plane with coil 
springs and reached treetop heights before crashing into a 
hen house killing several chickens and scaring many children 
in 1865 

President Jimmy Carter said he won't send 
emails because he believes the NSA is reading 
And also because he can't find the 'send' button 
on his typewriter." 

I'm very sorry for your loss, 
but do you know if this funeral home has wi-fi? 

It's the anniversary of the Titanic sinking. 
Fortunately, we've made sure that would never 
happen today by melting all the icebergs. 

The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a 
year old, I obviously apologized for forgetting, and sent them 
a birthday card.