Saturday, March 28, 2015


Newsflash: "Crazed man jumps Whitehouse fence"...... 
Secret service says everything is under control and that 
Obama was caught a short time later. 

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, 
“What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with 
hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears. 
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. 
“I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at 
something like that. 
Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny....

Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain. 

I hope when I get old, my motorized wheelchair  
is fast enough the catch the ice cream truck. 

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the 
boarding announcement at Gate 35. 
Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, 
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will 
board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate  
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that 
Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to 
the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public 
address voice spoke again: 
"Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program. 

I keep having this dream that I'm being carried  
off by a giant squirrel. 
Does that make me nuts? 

According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated  
from an "Institute of Fine Farts" because I know 
how do calligraphy with a sharpie. 

Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive 
like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby
in the car? 

BREAKING: Apple reportedly prepping electric car. 
Battery life is expected to be about an hour, with a 2 foot 
charging cable.