••
♥
Only in America...........
do we accept weather predictions from a dirty
rodent but deny climate change evidence from
highly educated scientists.
••
Just can't Please Some people.....
For years Americans have complained to the
Government that their voices weren't being heard.
Now they are freaking out over the NSA.
••
I met a blonde in a bar last night and I asked,
“What’s your name?”
“It’s K,” she replied.
“That’s sexy,” I said, “What’s it short for?”
She smiled and answered, “So I can spell it.”
••
A rare weather phenomenon threatens America
with brutal cold and a chance of thundersnow.
••
Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?
Father: A person who leaves our church and
joins another.
Son: And what is a person who leaves another
church and joins ours?
Father: A convert, son, a blessed convert.
••
An ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet.
Oh my god, that damn thing would never shut up.
But the bird was cool.
••
Q: What do you call a clean idiot?
A: Soap on a dope.
••
A new business was opening, and one of the
owner’s friends sent flowers for the occasion.
But when the owner read the card with the
flowers, it said. “Rest in Peace”
The owner was little upset and called the florist
to complain.
After he had told the florist about the obvious
mistake, the florist said, “Sir, I’m really sorry for
the mistake, but rater than getting angry, you
should imagine this: Somewhere there is a
funeral taking place today, and they have flowers
with a note saying, “Congratulations on you new
location.”
••
Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the
carpet and I love cats.
Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep?
"Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."
••
Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow
down.
Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.
Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to
leave
Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on
bathwater.
Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and
she ended up giving me an ear infection.
••••
