Is there anything more pointless than being
a female suicide bomber?
I mean, just what the hell are they going to do with 72 virgins?
My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts
They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.
I have so much debt, I could start a government.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick
Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up
to the phone.
"Hear that?" you say....... "That's dynamite, baby."
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been
nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for
his work on clinical depression.
Apparently he can predict who will commit
suicide next week in one of his prisons by
just picking up his phone.
My wife should be on a parole board.
She never lets anyone finish a sentence.
Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth
Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
Bubba was speeding down the road when a traffic
cop stopped him.
Cop: Do you realize you were going above the speed
Bubba: But officer, I am only learning to drive.
Cop: What? Without an instructor?
Bubba: Its a correspondence course, Officer.
Is there cultured oil anywhere, or just crude oil?
Dorothy went to visit her dentist with broken teeth.
While she was seated on the dental chair, she asked
the dentist, "Before you start working on me, I have
Will I be able to play the Saxophone when you are
The dentist replied patiently, "Of course you will!"
Dorothy exclaimed , "Oh wonderful!
I couldn't play a note before!"
What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?