Thursday, February 19, 2015



In any decision situation, the amount of relevant 
information available is inversely proportional to
the importance of the decision.

The hardest part of being a congressman must be 
pretending to actually like the people where you're from. 

KIEV, Ukraine (Reuters) -- A Ukraine 
businessman who bought a pager for
each member of his staff as a New Year gift was 
so alarmed when all 50 of them went off at the 
same time that he drove his car into a lamp post, 
a newspaper said on Thursday.
The unnamed businessman was returning from 
the pager shop when the accident happened. 
"With no more than 100 meters to go to the 
office, the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly 
burst out screeching. 
The businessman's fright was such that he 
simply let go of the steering wheel and the the 
car ploughed into a lamp post."
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the 
businessman turned his attention to the message 
on the 50 pagers. 
It read: "Congratulations on a successful 

The only difference between a rut and a grave is 
the depth.

Spence was discussing the latest design changes 
on this one car at the car show.  
Someone noted the windshield wipers now didn't
show from the front of the car.  
I opened my mouth and seriously suggested, 
"maybe the windshield wipers
are on the *inside* of the windshield now . . . "

I believe that sex is the most wonderful and 
beautiful thing that money can buy. 
- Steve Martin 

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for 
exceeding the posted speed limit. 
He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim 
from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my 
daughter in Columbia."
The cop put away his summons book and pen, 
and said.....
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding 

I think it's pretty cool Chinese people made a 
language made entirely out of tattoos. 

You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl.
Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take 
her to a hospital....... This is stress. 
In the hospital you are being told that she is 
pregnant and doctors start congratulating you 
with the future newborn. 
You explain that just an hour ago you have seen 
her for the first time in your life, but she starts 
telling that you are the father......
This is a big stress already.
You require for a DNA analysis and they make it.
Then the doctors tell you quietly, that actually 
you can't be a father since you are genetically 
sterile...... This is a stress, combined with a relief. 
On your way back home you remember, that you 
have three kids..... Now..That's what the real stress is.

I've learned so much from my MISTAKES 
I'm thinking of making a few more....