••
♥
In any decision situation, the amount of relevant
information available is inversely proportional to
the importance of the decision.
••
The hardest part of being a congressman must be
pretending to actually like the people where you're from.
••
KIEV, Ukraine (Reuters) -- A Ukraine
businessman who bought a pager for
each member of his staff as a New Year gift was
so alarmed when all 50 of them went off at the
same time that he drove his car into a lamp post,
a newspaper said on Thursday.
The unnamed businessman was returning from
the pager shop when the accident happened.
"With no more than 100 meters to go to the
office, the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly
burst out screeching.
The businessman's fright was such that he
simply let go of the steering wheel and the the
car ploughed into a lamp post."
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the
businessman turned his attention to the message
on the 50 pagers.
It read: "Congratulations on a successful
purchase!
••
The only difference between a rut and a grave is
the depth.
••
Spence was discussing the latest design changes
on this one car at the car show.
Someone noted the windshield wipers now didn't
show from the front of the car.
I opened my mouth and seriously suggested,
"maybe the windshield wipers
are on the *inside* of the windshield now . . . "
••
I believe that sex is the most wonderful and
beautiful thing that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
••
The Policeman recently stopped a woman for
exceeding the posted speed limit.
He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim
Zybkcicraznovskaya
from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my
daughter in Columbia."
The cop put away his summons book and pen,
and said.....
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding
again."
••
I think it's pretty cool Chinese people made a
language made entirely out of tattoos.
••
You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl.
Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take
her to a hospital....... This is stress.
In the hospital you are being told that she is
pregnant and doctors start congratulating you
with the future newborn.
You explain that just an hour ago you have seen
her for the first time in your life, but she starts
telling that you are the father......
This is a big stress already.
You require for a DNA analysis and they make it.
Then the doctors tell you quietly, that actually
you can't be a father since you are genetically
sterile...... This is a stress, combined with a relief.
On your way back home you remember, that you
have three kids..... Now..That's what the real stress is.
••
I've learned so much from my MISTAKES
I'm thinking of making a few more....
••••
