Saturday, February 7, 2015


A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just 
as a couple are walking in the door. 
The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this 
The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go 

 New Miranda Rights......
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect 
to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase 
you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. 
Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be 
appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, 
beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your 
intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!

"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm 
to ask you for a raise."
"Fine," the boss replied. 
"I'll ask my wife if I can give you one." 

I woke up this morning and said to my wife,
"that was amazing last night, were you faking it?" 
"No" she replied, "I really was asleep!" 

It gets kinda awkward when you're stuck in the middle of a 
couple starting a full blown argument right in front  of you. 
They could have at least waited for me to pull my pants up 
and leave  the bedroom first.

A company takes out a newspaper 
advertisement claiming to be able to
supply imported hard core pornographic videos.
As their prices seem reasonable, people place 
orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back 
explaining that under the present law they are 
unable to supply the materials and do not
wish to be prosecuted. 
So they return their customers' money in the
form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, 
few people ever bother to present these to their 
The name of the company, 'The Anal
Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.'

A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will 
protect the fuse by blowing first.

According to a new study, Americans now 
spend 94% of their time indoors.
What do you expect from a culture that goes 
inside a gym to use a walking machine?

Dammit. I just spent $30 on apples at 
Whole Foods and then dropped both of them!  

At the hospital.. 
As I looked at my wife in her coma, I said to 
the doctor, 'That's it. 
Turn off the  machine, I've given up hope, 
I just can't take the agony and pain of all this'. 
'Sir', he replied 'Your wife has been in that coma 
for only 6 minutes'.