Sunday, February 1, 2015



The distressed-looking man had downed several 
drinks in rapid succession before the bartender 
asked him, "You trying to drown your sorrows, 
"You could say that," the guy replied. 
"It usually doesn't work, you know." 
"No kidding," the man moaned. 
"I can't even get my wife anywhere near the 

I'm not getting married until Pizza Hut allows 
gift registry. 

Ours is a good restaurant, said the manager. 
"If you order an egg, you get the freshest egg in 
the world. If you order hot coffee, you get the 
hottest coffee in the world, and"
" I believe you, said the customer. 
"I ordered a small steak..

I'm going to start telling women that I'm available
for a limited time only and hope that their 
shopping instinct kicks in. 

Viagra is available in powdered form - 
I mixed some in my milk today - did nothing for 
me but the Oreos didn't get limp !! 

I just took my neighbor’s home security sign and 
put it in my yard, because the theft on my street is 
getting out of hand. 

I was at the zoo today watching a gorilla 
picking his nose, wiping it on the ground then 
eating it. 
I thought, "That's terrible! ... 
How did he get hold of one of my wife's recipes?" 

One night, a caveman comes running into his 
cave and says, "Whew! There was a tiger chasing 
me all the way across the savannah! 
His wife asks, "Why?
The caveman replied, "I didn't stop to ask!

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little 
girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride 
dressed in white?" 
"Because white is the color of happiness and 
today is the happiest day of her life." 
Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. 
The child thought about this for a moment, 
then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind 
of man your wife would have preferred.

Operator: 919, emergency services. 
Which service do you require? 
Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake 
off the touch screen.