••
♥
Wife got me camo toilet paper, but now I just
can't tell if I have to wipe again.....
••
"This little computer," said the a sales clerk,
"will do half your job for you."
The senior manager studying the machine made
his decision... "Fine, I'll take two."
••
When you were in the gang then, you just had to
look cool, just walk around and look like you
were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No,
man, I've got to go home.'
••
Ebonic Vocabulary -
Honor roll.....
Today a lifted two packs of Newports and a 40,
I be onna honor roll....
Stairway......
When me and my homies get high, we jus
stairway into space.
Defense.......
I hopped defense an got away from da po.
••
I got tired of our restroom smelling like other
people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind
the hot air vent.
••
My wife said it's time I lost some weight....
so she bought me a pedometer.
I have to wear it on my wrist and, with every step
I take, it records the slight vibration and can tell
how many miles I have walked in one day.
It's great, I've been sitting on the couch all day,
watching "Girls Gone Wild".
It says I've walked 12 miles!!
••
“The second hand clock shop had to wind up
business as time ran out!”
••
The people to fear are not those who disagree
with you, but those who disagree with you and
are too cowardly to let you know.
••
I wish my kids spent as much time on their
homework as they do calculating the odds of a
snow day.
••
If you believe in reincarnation then your
tombstone should say "b.r.b"......
••
I think I've put on a few pounds lately.....
Either that or my doctor is a real asshole.
I went in for a physical today and he told me to
open my mouth and say "oink"..
••••
