Saturday, January 17, 2015



Wife got me camo toilet paper, but now I just 
can't tell if I have to wipe again.....

"This little computer," said the a sales clerk, 
"will do half your job for you."
The senior manager studying the machine made 
his decision... "Fine, I'll take two."

When you were in the gang then, you just had to 
look cool, just walk around and look like you 
were tough. 
Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, 
man, I've got to go home.' 

Ebonic Vocabulary - 
Honor roll..... 
Today a lifted two packs of Newports and a 40, 
I be onna honor roll....
When me and my homies get high, we jus 
stairway into space. 
I hopped defense an got away from da po.

I got tired of our restroom smelling like other 
people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind 
the hot air vent. 

My wife said it's time I lost some weight.... 
so she bought me a pedometer. 
I have to wear it on my wrist and, with every step 
I take, it records the slight vibration and can tell 
how many miles I have walked in one day. 
It's great, I've been sitting on the couch all day, 
watching "Girls Gone Wild". 
It says I've walked 12 miles!! 

“The second hand clock shop had to wind up 
business as time ran out!”

The people to fear are not those who disagree 
with you, but those who disagree with you and 
are too cowardly to let you know. 

I wish my kids spent as much time on their 
homework as they do calculating the odds of a 
snow day.

If you believe in reincarnation then your 
tombstone should say "b.r.b"......

I think I've put on a few pounds lately..... 
Either that or my doctor is a real asshole. 
I went in for a physical today and he told me to 
open my mouth and say "oink"..