••
♥
Money is the root of all evil-----For more info
please send $9.95------But wait.
If you order in the next 30 minutes I will
include info on Understanding Women.
••
I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a
woman, but I felt better after I found out she
was a man.
Then sad again because we had sex.
••
Some officers turned their back as New York
Mayor Bill de Blasio spoke at Wenjian Liu's
funeral in Brooklyn.
The incident was completely unrelated to the
recent controversy between the Police union
and the Mayor.
Someone really needs to let Mayor de Blasio
that his breath is atrocious.
••
Just to be clear, drinking beer alone in your
basement is technically not considered home
brewing.
••
Talk to your kids about drugs.
Maybe they have better connections than you.
••
Dad took his little boy to Walmart. Of course,
as you walk in, the machines with prizes in them
are irresistible.
Dad gives in, as he wants the boy to be occupied.
The kid inserts two quarters and gets the little
clear balls with toys inside.
The kid removes the toys, puts the little plastic
covers in his back pockets, and they continue
on in to shop.
Now they are standing in line waiting to check
out.
The boy is by now bored and fussy -- becoming
very irritable, and dad's frustration is mounting.
Finally, dad breaks -- he picks the kid up and
sits him firmly down on the counter.
The boy immediately starts wailing and dad
says "Stop that!"
The son replies between screams, "But dad,
you busted my little balls!"
••
Me: I'm updating my fitness app.
Is bowling a sport?
Him: You didn't bowl.
You kept score.
Me: Is score-keeping for bowling a sport?
••
Can someone please lecture me on their political
views in an aggressive and condescending tone
so I may realize the error of my ways?
••
My wife will buy anything marked down.
She went to Macy's and bought an escalator.
••
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore,
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
••
Slept like a log last night, At least I think so.
This morning I woke up in the fireplace.
••••
