Thursday, January 8, 2015



I went to a really tough high school. 
We had our own coroner.

I tried reading a book about natural fertilizers 
for your garden but it was full of crap.

A man and his wife were sitting in the living 
room discussing a “Living Will”...
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a 
vegetative state, dependent on some machine 
and fluids from a bottle. 
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw 
out all the beer.

"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way 
for my wife to start a conversation.  

I was going to buy a book on curing 
procrastination but I put of until tomorrow....
or may be the day after.

G: Nobody gets the girl. 
PG: The good guy gets the girl. 
R: The bad guy gets the girl. 
X: Everybody gets the girl! 

“If you can't differentiate a blue collar and white 
collar worker by his hands, it is callous 

Why won't cannibals eat 
divorced women? 
Way to bitter.

I was in the line at Starbucks this morning.. 
The man getting served in front of me asked for 
a mocha. 
"Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas." 
The guy was fuming. 
"I have a mocha every morning when I come in 
here!" he raged. 
"I'll just have to have a latte!" 
He went and sat down. 
I went to the counter and said, "I'll have a large 
latte too, please." 
They asked me for my name. 
I asked why they needed it and they told me 
that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when 
it was ready. 
So I told them my name was Mocha.

I've been attending lots of seminars in my 
retirement...... They're called naps. 

Bobby getting dressed:
Sue: Purple and green don't go together.
Bobby: It works for the Joker.
Sue: My point exactly.