Monday, January 12, 2015



Flex wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his 
parents for days. 
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father 
into taking him. 
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they 
returned home. 
"Great," Flex replied. 
"Did you and your father have a good time?" 
asked his mother. 
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed 
Flex excitedly, especially when one of the 
animals came home at 30 to 1!" 

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? 
A: Beef jerky. 

Census Taker: 'How many children do you have?' 
Woman: 'Four.' 
Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?' 
Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.' 
Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine. 
But may I ask why you named your fourth child 
Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.' 

Just figured a way to save myself from an 
expensive lengthy divorce and alimony payments. 
I drew and published a picture of Mohammed 
eating a pork sandwich.... 
and signed her name to it.

Flex goes into the optometrist's office. 
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, 
"I think I need my eyes checked."
She says, "You're not kidding. 
This is the Ladies Room."

My wife said the spark between us was gone... 
So, I tasered her..

prostitution defined... 
Prostitution is the exchange of legal tender for 
illegal tenderness. 

When Tina returned from  a job interview, 
her boyfriend asked her how the interview went.
"Went well," said Tina, "but if I take up the job, 
I won't get a vacation until I get married."
Her boyfriend said, "Never heard of a clause 
like that! 
What exactly did they tell you?"
Tina replied, "The application read: 'Vacation 
cannot be taken until the candidate completes 
her First Anniversary.'"

[steps off crosstrainer]
"Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] 
you like f-fitness?.... Cos I'm fitn--"
"Shall I call an ambulance?"

Last night, I put up a sign at my subway train 
station saying "Naked Prophet Mohammed 
pictures THIS WAY". 
This morning, there were 12 dead Muslims on 
the live rail. 
What a tragic accident... 

Good: Your neighbor sunbathes in the nude. 
Bad: She weighs 350 pounds.
Worse, you have 20-20 vision....