Thursday, January 22, 2015


A famous Hollywood Plastic Surgeon has 
developed a technique to enhance 
women's boobs using fat from their love handles, 
so I decided to send the wife. 
Hell knows where she's going to get a 52GGG bra ?

One of the guests at last night’s State of the 
Union address was an undocumented immigrant. 
Said the immigrant, “Everyone been’s so nice. 
For instance, every single Republican has offered 
me a ride home after the speech.” 

So, my wife kept telling me that my hobbies 
didn't do anything to enhance the marriage. 
After a bit of introspection, I figured she might 
be right, so I said I'd be happy to try a new hobby 
more aligned with her interests. 
So, she helped me out and now I've joined a 
bridge club. 
I jump off next Tuesday. 

A lady went to a electronic shop in anger and 
threw her new laptop on the desk at a person 
from whom she bought.
She told the salesman that you have… cheated 
I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop..
Salesman : Madam, can you please try infront 
of me.
This is what She did,
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which she 
wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it 
to the other PC where she wanted to copy that 
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the 
PASTE option.
Salesman fainted….

My kid said he was gonna jump off the roof 
using a blanket as a parachute and I was like 
"That won't work you idiot. 
Go get my umbrella"....

What is oil made from... 
Corn oil comes from corn. 
Olive oil comes from olives. 
Vegetable oil comes from a variety of vegetables. 
What does motor oil come from? Motors?.. 

I've been dating a girl online who I think might 
be a Catfish. 
Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she 
"can't survive on dry land." 

There is nothing more expensive than a female
When a single drop comes out,it first mixes 
with “loreal”eyeliner and “Dior” mascara ;)
then when it comes down to cheek….it mixes 
with D&G blusher :)
and in case it touches the lips, it gets mixed 
with “Maybelline” lipstick.....
This means that a single drop is worth at least 

Wow some neighbors really freak out when they 
wake up on a Sunday morning and find me 
making myself some pancakes in their kitchen...

Walked in to my house Friday nite, my wife 
was gone & a note nailed to the wall said 
"We have ur wife, if u want 2 c her again alive 
we want $1,000,000..
Do not call the police, we are very determined. 
Await a phone call!!!" 
l tell you what they weren't jokin about being 
determined!..... since saturday morning 
I've had 72 missed calls!!! 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may 
be necessary from time to time to give a stupid 
or misinformed beholder a black eye.