••
♥
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of
the Meteorite crash site, he is miraculously
unharmed.
Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
••
How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
••
Two guys sit at a bar discussing their lives.
One guy says to the other, "Last week I took the
first step towards getting divorced."
"Did you see a lawyer?"
"No, I got married
••
Kids today don't know what hardship is.
When I was younger I sometimes had to wait
ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
••
When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and
showed me pictures of why I should always wear
a condom.
Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me...
••
When a two year old hands you their ringing toy
phone, no matter how baddass you think you
are, you answer it.....
••
I had my first UFO experience this morning.
I walked into the kitchen and said to the wife,
"Morning fat arse."
Next thing there were flying saucers coming at
me from everywhere!.
••
Ladies, if your man is reluctant to talk about his
feelings, it's probably because you haven't told
him what they are yet.
••
Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it
everyday.
Every half hour it goes to your room opens the
door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves.
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