Saturday, January 24, 2015



BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of 
the Meteorite crash site, he is miraculously 
Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape. 

How do you scare a man? 
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. 

Two guys sit at a bar discussing their lives. 
One guy says to the other, "Last week I took the 
first step towards getting divorced." 
"Did you see a lawyer?" 
"No, I got married  

Kids today don't know what hardship is. 
When I was younger I sometimes had to wait 
ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.

When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and 
showed me pictures of why I should always wear 
a condom. 
Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me...

When a two year old hands you their ringing toy 
phone, no matter how baddass you think you 
are, you answer it.....

I had my first UFO experience this morning. 
I walked into the kitchen and said to the wife, 
"Morning fat arse."
Next thing there were flying saucers coming at 
me from everywhere!.

Ladies, if your man is reluctant to talk about his 
feelings, it's probably because you haven't told 
him what they are yet. 

Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it 
Every half hour it goes to your room opens the 
door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves.