Monday, December 15, 2014


One way to stay dry....

Rough night??


My Internet was down for a few hours, 
but its ok....
I met some really nice people.... 
It turns out they live in my house....  
And claim to be my family..... 
How strange is that? 

Scientists have discovered a virus that lowers 
the intelligence of the people it infects. 
It's called the H-1-Kardashian-1 virus. 

After consuming a vibrant brew called Aul or Ale, 
the Vikings would go fearlessly to the battlefield, 
without their armour, or even their shirts. 
Berserk means “bear shirt” in norse, and hence 
the term To go Berserk.

I thought Alcoholics Anonymous 
meant drinking under an assumed name. 

A sign at a Doctor's office in Rome:

What's the difference between in-laws and 
Outlaws are wanted.

My wife sent me out to get some milk last night 
and I came back four hours later.
"Where the hell have you been?" she screamed.
"The shop was out of milk," I replied, "So I 
went to borrow some from the landlord in the 
local pub."
"Well, where is it then?" she asked.
I said, "He didn't have any either."

An optimist sees a half-filled glass as being 
half full, the pessimist sees it as half empty, 
and the alcoholic sees that it is time to order 
another drink. 

If it's so good why can't I find a single car wash 
that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys 
keep tweeting about? 

I thought about going outside and 
doing something today but my Wi-Fi really 
doesn't reach very far. 

I'm donating my body to science. 
But in the meantime I'm preserving it in alcohol 
until they can use it.