Friday, December 26, 2014



A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like 
to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go 
about it."
The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me".
The man looks somewhat upset ... "Well I knew 
you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd 
like to leave a little to my children too! 

Two retired professors were vacationing with 
their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. 
They were sitting on the veranda one summer 
evening, watching the sun set.
The history professor asked the psychology 
professor, "Have you read Marx?" 
To which the professor of psychology replied, 
"Yes, and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."

After the lavish wedding reception, the 
newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. 
The groom turned down the lights and found 
some nice CDs to stack on the player. 
Then he excused himself and returned in
pajamas and robe. 
He opened a bottle of champagne and poured 
them each a drink, unaware that his new bride 
had already had more than enuff to drink. 
Finally, he took the girl of his dreams, whom 
he had wed after a whirl-wind courtship, by 
the hand and tenderly began to lead her
towards the bedroom. 
"Damn !" she muttered, "every stinking time I 
go out with a guy it always ends up the same 

Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew 
"The future of the Jewish people is in your 

When the last scene of Titanic faded to black 
and people began rushing for the exits, one 
patron shouted: "Quick! There are only enough 
cars in the parking lot for half of us!"

A nudist resort at Benares 
Took a midget in all unawares. 
But he made members weep 
For he just couldn't keep 
His nose out of private affairs. 

A well-stacked young advertising secretary 
wore tight knit dresses that showed off her 
figure, especially when she walked. 
Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into 
his office one afternoon and closed the door. 
Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he 
asked, "Is that for sale?" 
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing 
Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest 
you quit advertising it." 

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the 
one but after looking through her knicker 
drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French 
maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, 
he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,
she's not for him....

Question of the Year ;
We are always hearing about how Social 
Security is going to run out of money. 
How come we never hear about Welfare running 
out of money? 
What's interesting, the first group "worked for" 
their money... the second didn't!!  

I was visiting my mother one day, when she 
passed the candy dish full of chocolates and 
took one for herself.
“I thought your doctor told you to stop eating 
candy,” I said.
“Oh, I don’t have to listen to him anymore,” 
she replied.
“Why not?”
“He died.”

Joke on MEN at the women's lib party:
How do you define Marriage? 
It's an eyewash involving the adoption of an 
overgrown boy whose parents can't handle him