A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like
to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go
The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me".
The man looks somewhat upset ... "Well I knew
you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd
like to leave a little to my children too!
Two retired professors were vacationing with
their wives at a hotel in the Catskills.
They were sitting on the veranda one summer
evening, watching the sun set.
The history professor asked the psychology
professor, "Have you read Marx?"
To which the professor of psychology replied,
"Yes, and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."
After the lavish wedding reception, the
newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite.
The groom turned down the lights and found
some nice CDs to stack on the player.
Then he excused himself and returned in
pajamas and robe.
He opened a bottle of champagne and poured
them each a drink, unaware that his new bride
had already had more than enuff to drink.
Finally, he took the girl of his dreams, whom
he had wed after a whirl-wind courtship, by
the hand and tenderly began to lead her
towards the bedroom.
"Damn !" she muttered, "every stinking time I
go out with a guy it always ends up the same
Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew
"The future of the Jewish people is in your
When the last scene of Titanic faded to black
and people began rushing for the exits, one
patron shouted: "Quick! There are only enough
cars in the parking lot for half of us!"
A nudist resort at Benares
Took a midget in all unawares.
But he made members weep
For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.
A well-stacked young advertising secretary
wore tight knit dresses that showed off her
figure, especially when she walked.
Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into
his office one afternoon and closed the door.
Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he
asked, "Is that for sale?"
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing
Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest
you quit advertising it."
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the
one but after looking through her knicker
drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French
maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform,
he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,
she's not for him....
Question of the Year ;
We are always hearing about how Social
Security is going to run out of money.
How come we never hear about Welfare running
out of money?
What's interesting, the first group "worked for"
their money... the second didn't!!
I was visiting my mother one day, when she
passed the candy dish full of chocolates and
took one for herself.
“I thought your doctor told you to stop eating
candy,” I said.
“Oh, I don’t have to listen to him anymore,”
Joke on MEN at the women's lib party:
How do you define Marriage?
It's an eyewash involving the adoption of an
overgrown boy whose parents can't handle him