••
♥
The internet: The men are men, the women are
men, and the children are FBI agents.
••
The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged
my own groceries until I unpacked them all and
said, "That's how I want you to do it."
••
Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER
Answered...
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north
side condo.$800/month plus 1/2 utilities.
Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
*
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate
marriage.Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days
1-800-I'm-4you.
*
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking,
and testosterone.
Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to
political conspiracy theories and help stock
secluded mountain shelter.
Don't bother to write, I already know where
you live.
*
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance,
herb tea, New Agemusic, Communing with
Gaian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting.
Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
••
I got very sick at the airport.
I was told it was a terminal illness.
••
Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and
make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a
jellyfish in the toilet...
••
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he
returned from work, "I have great news for you.
Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house
instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face
and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife
when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way
since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in
with us."
••
A moment of silence for those who sacrificed
themselves to determine which mushrooms
taste good with pasta, which are fun & which
kill you...
••
Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the
muscle guy at the gym.
People stay out of your way cause they know you
mean business....
••••
