Tuesday, December 9, 2014



The internet: The men are men, the women are 
men, and the children are FBI agents.

The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged 
my own groceries until I unpacked them all and 
said, "That's how I want you to do it."

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER 
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north 
side condo.$800/month plus 1/2 utilities. 
Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate 
marriage.Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days 
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, 
and testosterone.
Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to 
political conspiracy theories and help stock 
secluded mountain shelter. 
Don't bother to write, I already know where 
you live.
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, 
herb tea, New Agemusic, Communing with 
Gaian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting.
Seeks aloof, analytic whimp. 

I got very sick at the airport. 
I was told it was a terminal illness. 

Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and 
make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a 
jellyfish in the toilet...

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he 
returned from work, "I have great news for you. 
Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house 
instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face 
and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife 
when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way 
since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in 
with us."

A moment of silence for those who sacrificed 
themselves to determine which mushrooms 
taste good with pasta, which are fun & which 
kill you...

Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the 
muscle guy at the gym. 
People stay out of your way cause they know you 
mean business....