••
♥
I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy
in a tragic accident this weekend.
He got his finger caught in a wedding band....
••
The teacher says: Today, we're going to talk
about the tenses.
Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it's the past tense.
••
A sign seen over the toilet paper dispenser in a
military "latrine" (bathroom).
"Another quality product of the 3M company,
sandpaper division."
••
Since the release of Viagra, exotic dancers now
claim they're receiving a lot more standing
ovations.
••
Whoever made the saying "it's not the size of
the ship but the motion of the ocean" never
tried to get to England in a row boat!
••
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place with a drive-up window...
••
Corn on the cob today is corn on the log
tomorrow.
••
A trip to Wal-Mart is all the proof I need that
ugly isn't an effective means of birth control.
••
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting
next to him, an elegant woman wearing the
largest, most stunning diamond ring he had
ever seen.
He asked her about it.
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said.
"It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that
goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Klopman."
••
Remember back in the day when your TV
wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended
up pregnant.
••••
