Hello, princess. Can I call you princess?
- OK then, Mr. Hey, let's just get started with
your prostate exam....
Doctor: I've got the results of your test;
you have gonorrhea, chlamydia and
Me: What's onomatopoeia?
Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like.
(Had to Google that...and, no, I'm not telling.
Google it yourselves, lol. )
You people who pull back the shower curtain
checking for psycopathic murderers ...
if you find one, what's your plan?
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won't
make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things
always happen to me.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face.
I hope someday he finds a girl who has
marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
A: "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
B: "No, I'm sorry I don't."
A: "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block
to the left."
On soy milk cartons, the missing kids are always
named "Skylar" and were last seen getting into
I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex
for a while.
My friend reassured me that I won't forget it,
cuz sex is like riding a bicycle.
I know it's been a while, but I don't ever
The dishwasher is making a strange noise.
Probably because she's outside shoveling the
If you think Special K is boring, wait till you try
I was out walking with my then 4-year-old
She picked up something off the ground and
started to put it in her mouth.
I asked her not to do that.
"Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty
and probably has germs."
At this point, she looked at me with total
admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you
know all this stuff?"
Uh, I was thinking quickly, "...all moms knows
Um, it's on the Mommy Test.
You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,
but she was evidently pondering this new
OH...I get It!" she beamed, "So if you flunk,
you have to be the Daddy."