Saturday, November 22, 2014



Wife: Yesterday I saw a very Beautiful Girl.
Husband: Really ?? 
Then what happened?
Wife: I just kept on Admiring her, On & On..
Husband (Gets Irritated): But, 
what happened then?
Wife Smiled & said: Then What ??
I Simply Moved away from the Mirror !!!

What did the 500 pound canary say to the cat? 
Here, kitty, kitty! 

Txted my GF while partying in Vegas...
saying "Hi Hun, I'm enjoying a lot,wish
u were her"after that I realized what a
spelling mistake could do....

My friend and I were talking about food and he 
said "I'm not a big Chinese guy" and I was like 
"I know you're not" 

I watched craps at the casino for over an hour 
tonight until security finally dragged me out of 
the bathroom.

Just about the time when you think you can make 
ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Walking along the beach, John tripped over a 
half-buried lamp. 
He rubbed its side and sure enough, a Genie 
"I can't grant your wishes," explained the freed 
spirit, "Due to poor connectivity with the 
seventh dimension. 
But I'll give you three off-the-shelf gifts for 
releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, 
a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a 
famous movie star. 
By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received 
all these gifts."
When John returned home from work the next 
evening, he excitedly asked his wife if anything 
had been delivered.
"Yes," she replied. 
"It's been an unusual day. 
At 2 pm, a 55 gallon drum of chicken soup 
About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying 
that a long-lost relative had left you a 
minor-league baseball stadium. 
Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to 
dinner with Lassie tonight."

I have a hard time with those French, 
they have a different word for everything. 

I used to always enjoy asking people what they 
would do if they only had an hour left to live. 
And that's how I lost my job as a guard on death 

Everything brightened up when you came into 
our presence.
 - Food in my refrigerator. 

I just fake-went-to-the-bathroom to avoid 
He followed me in. 
I don't think the pee noises I'm making with my 
mouth are working.