Thursday, November 27, 2014


There are no looters in Ferguson. 
They are just undocumented shoppers.

The FAA has shut down airspace over Ferguson, 
which must be to stop the problem of people 
rioting and looting in the sky. 

There is justice in this world. 
Last night in Ferguson, a man stealing tires 
from a car was run over by the man stealing 
the car. 

Why are gifts in airports so expensive? 
God's punishing you for waiting until the flight 
home to buy your wife a gift. 

Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work 
because the dog just goes "Cool, now we're 
both barking!" 

I could never cheat in a relationship,
That requires 2 women to find me attractive. 

Got caught checking out another woman? 
Turn to your woman and say, "Did you see how 
ugly that girl's hair was?" 

Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman...
 Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but-
 A: No, she pooped on the rug again. 
Right next to the litter box! 

*Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel...
*Has an I.Q. of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt...
*Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than 
they appear...
*Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel...
*Too much yardage between the goalposts,,,
*An intellect rivalled only by garden tools...
*As smart as bait...
*Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash...
*Doesn't know much, but leads the league in 
nostril hair...
*Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor..

Confuse your coworkers today by telling them 
you're going to the restroom to do a "number 3".

There was a husband and his wife sitting next 
to a drunk in a bar. 
Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, 
"ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. 
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the 
husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse 
me, you just farted before my wife." 
The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it 
was her turn."