Sunday, November 23, 2014



Nobody in 1972 would have guessed that in 2014, 
Bill Cosby and Charles Manson would both be in 
the news...but Manson more favorably.

My wife told me to strive for perfection, 
so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit 

gift registry...... 
Charles Manson's bride -to-be has set up a 
wedding registry at Home Depot and Cabelas. 
Suggestions for gifts are: 
Home Depot: Hacksaw, 200ft. nylon rope, 
bolt cutters and/or wire cutters, etc. 
Cabelas: His and hers camouflage outerwear, 
any type of firearms, preferably auto or 
semi-automatic, ATV ( again preferably 
Cash donations may be made to bride and 
grooms' plastic surgeon or sent to "The Ranch" 
for the reception....

What has 4 legs: 2 gray and 2 brown? 
an elephant with diarrhea.... 

A man walks up to the counter and says "I would 
like a polish sausage please" 
The man behind the counter says "you must be 
Stunned, the man replied, "what do you mean 
I must be polish to buy a polish sausage?!? 
Do I have to be Mexican to buy a taco? 
Do I have to be Itallian to order a pizza? 
What do you mean I have to be Polish in order 
to buy polish sausage?" 
The man behind the counter said, "No, no, no 
I mean you MUST be Polish. 
This is a hardware store" 

I rarely speak to Obama supporters, 
but when I do....I ask for large fries. 

What nationality are you when you are on your 
way to the bathroom? 
What are you while you are in the bathroom? 
What are you after you go to the bathroom? 

I keep trying to get through to my wife, 
but she just won't let me. 
She keeps changing the damn locks. 

Mexican Word of the Day: FRITO. 
“After arguing with the Republicans, 
Obama told the illegals they are frito stay.”

fractured definitions; 
- shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.. 
- divorce: future tense of marriage.. 
- alcoholic: someone who drinks as much as you 
do, but who you don't like..
- porcupine: a yearning for bacon.. 
- Karaoke: Japanese for tone deaf ..
- mistress: something between a mister and a 
- reoriented: sent back to China.. 
- cobra: a bra for conjoined twins..