••
♥
My kids challenged me to a cartwheel contest.
Long story short, now my chiropractor has a
new boat.
••
I don't cry over spilt milk..
unless it has coffee in it.
••
God only gives you what you can handle.
Really?
Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way
more money.
••
The Texas State Police are cracking down on
speeders heading into Dallas.
For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas
Cowboy tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you
use them.
••
People always go, "Why can't there ever be peace
in the Middle East?"
We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a
toothpaste...... That's why.
••
"Earlier this week the Senate voted 97-to-0 for
tougher regulations.
For example, when corporations buy a senator,
they must now get a receipt." - Jay Leno
••
I'm not sure but I think the family from Honey
Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved
down and shown how to shit indoors.
••
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
It's just something I could really see myself doing.
••
DUI checkpoint cop: sir, have you been drinking
tonight me: define sir.....
••
And I will strike down upon thee with great
vengeance...
Barista: Sir your Caffè Mocha is ready.
Me: Oh ok nevermind.
••
"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal
at the saloon.
"Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!"
"Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!"
••••
