Sunday, November 16, 2014


- What happened to all of the gruntled employees? 
-What was the best thing before sliced bread? 
- What happens if you get scared half to death 
- What do people in China call their good plates? 
- What do chickens think we taste like? 
- If you're born again, do you end up with two 

"Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists 
agrees on something or other, reach for your 
wallet, because you're being had."
       -- Michael Crichton

I cant see my new girl friend any more, 
The cops took my telescope...

WE'LL BE FRIENDS till we're old and senile...
then we'll be new friends 

if you walk up to a british policeman and play the 
benny hill music he legally has to chase you until 
you turn it off....

Mankind has made a lot of mistakes, some of 
them truly monstrous. 
The Holocaust. Slavery. 
Calling it a "corn maze" and not a "maize maze." 

LOVE is a  long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the 
alarm clock.

A very proper man started going into the 
neighborhood pharmacy every week to buy 
2 dozen boxes of condoms. 
Week after week he would come in with the same 
One day the pharmacist felt he had to say 
something to the man. 
"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. 
Talk about getting lucky! 
How on earth do you use that many condoms a 
The man looked at him in disgust and said, 
"I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of 
sex repulsive!" 
"So," the pharmacist asked, "then what do you 
do with all those condoms?" 
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my 
poodle and now she poops in little plastic bags."

LOVE is a  long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the 
alarm clock.