Friday, November 28, 2014



I think McDonald's should be able to
 turn away customers like a bartender
"Three Big Macs please." 
"Sir, I think you've had enough....

I have many talents... For example:

I’m the type of person who looks at
 the menu for five minutes but ends up
 ordering the same exact thing every

Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest' cd, 
not as relaxing as I hoped. 
The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was 
chainsaws and bulldozers...

A router goes into a doctor's office and says, 
"It hurts when IP." 

The farmer’s son was returning from the market 
with the crate of chicken’s his father had 
entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box 
fell and broke open.
Chickens scurried off in different directions, 
but the determined boy walked all over the 
neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds 
and returning them to the repaired crate.
Hoping he had found them all, the boy 
reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed 
sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer 
beamed...... “You left with seven.”

This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. 
Now she's using the other eye. 
Oh never mind. 
She's falling asleep. 

Dear public restrooms: 
A toilet paper dispenser should turn loosely. 
Nobody wants to wipe their ass with a handful 
of confetti. 

The worst thing about life is getting comfortable 
and then realizing that you don't have the remote.

I never get jealous when I see my ex with 
someone else, because my parents always taught 
me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. 

 I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for 
medical reasons. 
When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' 
instead of 'Jay'.