••
♥
I think McDonald's should be able to
turn away customers like a bartender
would.
"Three Big Macs please."
"Sir, I think you've had enough....
••
I have many talents... For example:
Sleeping.
••
I’m the type of person who looks at
the menu for five minutes but ends up
ordering the same exact thing every
time...
••
Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest' cd,
not as relaxing as I hoped.
The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was
chainsaws and bulldozers...
••
A router goes into a doctor's office and says,
"It hurts when IP."
••
The farmer’s son was returning from the market
with the crate of chicken’s his father had
entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box
fell and broke open.
Chickens scurried off in different directions,
but the determined boy walked all over the
neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds
and returning them to the repaired crate.
Hoping he had found them all, the boy
reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed
sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer
beamed...... “You left with seven.”
••
This beautiful woman is winking at me right now.
Now she's using the other eye.
Oh never mind.
She's falling asleep.
••
Dear public restrooms:
A toilet paper dispenser should turn loosely.
Nobody wants to wipe their ass with a handful
of confetti.
••
The worst thing about life is getting comfortable
and then realizing that you don't have the remote.
••
I never get jealous when I see my ex with
someone else, because my parents always taught
me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
••
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for
medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret'
instead of 'Jay'.
••••
