Saturday, November 8, 2014


Buster is the man....


"I think that somehow, we learn who we really 
are and then live with that decision."
       -- Eleanor Roosevelt

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work 
at 9 A.M., on the dot. 
He had never missed a day and was never late. 
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. 
passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a 
All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at 
his watch and muttering, came out into the 
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, 
clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and 
bruised, his glasses bent. 
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in,
and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, 
"I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in 
the subway...... Nearly killed myself." 
The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of 
stairs took you an entire hour?"

Sorry guys, but there is now definitive, 
undeniable proof that Elvis is, indeed, 
He was registered to vote in Chicago. 

There once was an old man who was about to die. 
He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic 
"When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the
old man. 
Well when the old man died the wife went up to 
the attic and found that the bag of money was 
still there. 
"I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!" 
said the old woman. 

My dad's hobby was collecting empty bottles, 
which sounds so much better than 'alcoholic'. 

New warning label: Quitting cigarettes 
significantly increases the amount of money
you will have for pot. 

Buddha and Obama are on the same stage in 
Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
Buddha leans towards President Obama and 
said, "Do you know that with one little wave of 
my hand I can make every person in this crowd 
go wild with joy? 
This joy will not be a momentary display, but 
will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever 
speak of this day and rejoice!"
Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! 
With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"
So Buddha backhanded him and knocked him 
off the stage!

I must've eaten too much salmon over the 
I just ran up an escalator that was going down. 

I was doing that thing where you pretend 
to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. 
I have no idea where I am. 

The summer band class was just getting under 
way when a large insect flew into the room. 
The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new 
instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, 
but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand 
it no longer. 
He rolled up his music book and swatted the 
insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise.
"Is it a bee?" another student asked.
"Nope," Tommy replied........ "Bee flat." 

How To Be A Sculptor: Get a friend to pose for 
Get a huge block of marble. 
Chip away everything that doesn't look like your