••
♥
Age is a case of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it don't matter.
--Satchel Paige--
••
*A few clowns short of a circus
*A few fries short of a Happy Meal
*An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
*A few beers short of six-pack
*A few peas short of a casserole
*Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box
*The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead
*One Fruit Loop shy of full bowl
*One taco short of a combination plate
*A few feathers short of a whole duck
*All foam, no beer..
••
My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this
morning.
So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs,
1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
••
My wife asked me to bring home some
stuff for the pancakes yesterday...
She wasn't happy when I came back with a
push up bra.
••
“I wanted to bring a penguin home but my
parents said that wasn't going to fly.”
••
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all
time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite
holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free
Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green #4 card from the game UNO.
••
Mary called her gynac after returning home
from an examination.
She asked the gynac, “Doctor, can you please
check if by chance I left my panties in your
office?”
The doctor went into the examining room, had
a look around and returned to the phone,
“I’m afraid I can't see them here.”
“Sorry to trouble you, doctor,” Mary said.
“I’ll try my dentist.”
••
I should probably do some housework before
they try to film the next Febreeze commercial
here.
••
When a relative asks me what I'm doing with my
life, I tell more lies than a guy at a computer
whose wife just asked him what he's doing.
••
People who look at their butt in the mirror and
see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye
condition known as asspigmatism.
••
"Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because
they sometimes take a rest."
-- Alexandre Dumas
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