••
♥
What lies dead on its back one hundred feet in
the air?
A centipede.
••
I wonder if the people who camp out in front of
stores for Black Friday sales realize there are
online sales too.
••
"Hear you've been having car trouble," said one
neighbor to another.
"Yes," replied the car owner.
"I bought a new carburetor that saved thirty
percent on gas, a new transmission that saved
fifty percent on gas, and a new set of spark plugs
that saved forty percent on gas."
"So what happened?" asked the neighbor.
"After I drove about forty miles,
the gas tank overflowed."
••
Q: What do you call someone who gets run over
at a Black Friday sale:
A: Wal-Martyr.
••
I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that
goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's
gravy recipe was very specific.
••
The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition.
Their ancestors had come to America on the
Mayflower.
They had included Senators and Wall Street
wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a
legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose — how to handle that
great-uncle George, who was executed in the
electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story
tactfully.
The book appeared.
It said “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of
applied electronics at an important government
institution, was attached to his position by the
strongest of ties, and his death came as a great
shock.”
••
I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts.....
The plot was riveting!
••
Paranoid? Nope. I'm just trying not to crash in
case someone has replaced the airbag in my car
with a boxing glove on a spring.
••
One day a boy asked God, "Is it wrong to sleep
with a girl before marriage?"
God replied, "No it is not, but the problem is that
you guys don't sleep..
••
What on earth is that?” said the woman to the
waiter.
“It’s pressed tongue, Madam.”
“Good gracious! I could never eat anything that
came out of an animal’s mouth.
Bring me a boiled egg please."
••
Don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside
I'm composing a strongly worded email.....
••••
