Sunday, November 30, 2014

# 2540



What lies dead on its back one hundred feet in 
the air?
A centipede. 

I wonder if the people who camp out in front of 
stores for Black Friday sales realize there are 
online sales too. 

"Hear you've been having car trouble," said one 
neighbor to another.
"Yes," replied the car owner. 
"I bought a new carburetor that saved thirty 
percent on gas, a new transmission that saved 
fifty percent on gas, and a new set of spark plugs 
that saved forty percent on gas."
"So what happened?" asked the neighbor.
"After I drove about forty miles, 
the gas tank overflowed."

Q: What do you call someone who gets run over 
at a Black Friday sale: 
A: Wal-Martyr.

I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that 
goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's 
gravy recipe was very specific. 

The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. 
Their ancestors had come to America on the 
They had included Senators and Wall Street 
They decided to compile a family history, a 
legacy for their children and grandchildren. 
They hired a fine author. 
Only one problem arose — how to handle that 
great-uncle George, who was executed in the 
electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story 
The book appeared. 
It said “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of 
applied electronics at an important government 
institution, was attached to his position by the 
strongest of ties, and his death came as a great 

I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts.....
The plot was riveting!

Paranoid? Nope. I'm just trying not to crash in 
case someone has replaced the airbag in my car 
with a boxing glove on a spring. 

One day a boy asked God, "Is it wrong to sleep 
with a girl before marriage?"
God replied, "No it is not, but the problem is that 
you guys don't sleep..

What on earth is that?” said the woman to the 
“It’s pressed tongue, Madam.” 
“Good gracious! I could never eat anything that 
came out of an animal’s mouth. 
Bring me a boiled egg please."

Don't make me angry. 
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. 
Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside 
I'm composing a strongly worded email.....