Monday, November 10, 2014

#2520

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"I don't deserve this award, 
but I have arthritis and I don't 
deserve that either."
       -- Jack Benny

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Now that the election is over, can we please get 
back to freaking out over Ebola and ISIS while 
the world is dismantled behind closed doors?

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Very little is funnier than a guy with four different 
Jesus bumper stickers flipping someone off.....

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Billy Mays is up in Heaven partying like it's $19.99.

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Democratic states have fewer HS Football players. 
Liberal parents are afraid all that head trauma 
will turn their boys into conservatives.

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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell And 
ordered a taco. 
She asked the person behind the counter for 
"minimal lettuce." 
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. 

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A wife is like a hand grenade. 
Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

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"You cannot depend on your eyes when your 
imagination is out of focus."
       -- Mark Twain

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Decades have gone by and STILL 
my parents have not given back the Halloween 
candy they took from me "for safe keeping".  

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To me 'Earth Day’ should be on Halloween… 
It’s the only time I enjoy turning all my lights off.

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I visited my friend at his new house. 
He said I should make myself at home so 
I kicked him out! 
I hate visitors!  

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