Monday, November 10, 2014




"I don't deserve this award, 
but I have arthritis and I don't 
deserve that either."
       -- Jack Benny

Now that the election is over, can we please get 
back to freaking out over Ebola and ISIS while 
the world is dismantled behind closed doors?

Very little is funnier than a guy with four different 
Jesus bumper stickers flipping someone off.....

Billy Mays is up in Heaven partying like it's $19.99.

Democratic states have fewer HS Football players. 
Liberal parents are afraid all that head trauma 
will turn their boys into conservatives.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell And 
ordered a taco. 
She asked the person behind the counter for 
"minimal lettuce." 
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. 

A wife is like a hand grenade. 
Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your 
imagination is out of focus."
       -- Mark Twain

Decades have gone by and STILL 
my parents have not given back the Halloween 
candy they took from me "for safe keeping".  

To me 'Earth Day’ should be on Halloween… 
It’s the only time I enjoy turning all my lights off.

I visited my friend at his new house. 
He said I should make myself at home so 
I kicked him out! 
I hate visitors!