••
♥
Not feeling great about how much scrolling down
I have to do to get to my birth year.
••
Politics is an "I'm not an a**hole" contest for
a**holes.
••
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to
them in French; I never did succeed in making
those idiots understand their language."
-- Mark Twain
••
Calling someone 'one in a million' in China
means they aren't that special.
••
Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole
at the local country club.
When Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right.
Ralph walked over to the deep rough, found his
ball, and proceeded to beat the hell out of wild
buttercups with his pitching wedge.
Mother Nature appeared and said,
"Since you destroyed all of my favorite
buttercups, if you ever taste butter, smell butter,
or even think about butter you will become
deathly ill and die."
Ralph walked out of the rough toward Charlie
with a big smile on his face.
Ralph then told him his story with a big grin on
his face.
Charlie says, "That's not a good thing!
Why are you smiling?"
Ralph replies, "I almost hit the pussy willows."
••
I saw a list of what things cost in the 1930s.
Great Depression or not, I find it hard to believe
people couldn't afford a 20 cent steak.
••
Have a burning hatred for questions and people?
YOU could be a medical receptionist!
••
I was in Barney's Tavern last night.
While at the bar waiting for a beer, a big, ugly old
heifer came up behind me and slapped me on the
rear.
She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your
number.”
I looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen?”
She said, “I sure do."
I said, “ Well; get back into it before the farmer
notices you’re missing.”
••
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
••
"The only thing wrong with immortality
is that it tends to go on forever."
••••
