Thursday, August 28, 2014

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Any body got a comb??








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Special shout out to the CIA, 
who were pouring cold water on people BEFORE 
the "ice bucket challenge" made it cool...

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Here are the 10,535 pages of the Patient Protection 
and Affordable Care Act (a.k.a. Obama Care) 
condensed to 4 sentences: 
1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have 
to uninsure the insured. 
2. Next, we require the newly uninsured to be 
re-insured. 
 3. To re-insure the newly uninsured, they are 
required to pay extra charges to be re-insured. 
4. The extra charges are required so that the 
original insured, who became uninsured, and 
then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so 
that the original uninsured can be insured, 
which will be free of charge to them. 

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I used to tip my favorite Hooters waitress $4.20 
Then she got a boob job....now I have to tip her 
$4.60. 

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My wife nominated me to do the ice bucket 
challenge. 
I'm a little confused. 
Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at 
the same time?

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I took a serious dump and sprayed pine scented 
air freshener in my bathroom, but it still smells 
like a bear took a shit in the woods. 

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"Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in 
the morning."

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If Dracula has no reflection 
how does he get such a straight part in his hair? 

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Just took a shower. 
You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that 
thing out of Home Depot. 

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A mother duck with 8 ducklings  following her is 
probably the cutest thing I've ever almost hit with 
my car. 

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You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! 
Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?

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Chicken salad with egg in it 
is my fave way to eat two generations. 

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