••
♥
Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden's Endless Pasta
for their last meal?
If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial
system.
••
My girlfriend asked me to act like an animal in bed.
So I peed on the pillow.
••
Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops
a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent.
••
Don't lie about your job, just word it better.
Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500
multi-national corp. vs. "I cashier at KFC."
••
I ordered a pizza online and under special requests I
write: "tell me the meaning of life".
When the door bell rings, there's only an empty box.
••
The problem with riverboat gambling is that you
can't tell if you're queasy from losing your money or
getting seasick.
••
Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, Teddy Grahams Bear, and
Count Chocula perish in house fire.
S'more at eleven.
••
"Oil prices have fallen lately.
We include this news for the benefit of gas stations,
which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months."
••
If I say you got the body of a Greek goddess,
will you shut your mouth and let me watch football?
••
If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across
the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the
person is gone, right?
••
Fashion magazines are society's way of saying
"If you don't feel inadequate already, read one of these!"
••••
