••
♥
I wish my keyboard had a removable crumb
tray like my toaster!
••
Thanks to "Flex" Lowe's is adding
"For Display Only" signs to their toilets.
••
On the wall of a church was a sign:
"If you are tired of sin, come to see us!"
And right below it in nice rounded letters;
"But if you're not, my phone number is 341 3451"
••
Was heard on a public transportation vehicle
while in Orlando.
"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to
lower your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and
watch your language.
Thank you."
••
My wife has just come home and asked how
things went with the baby.
Now in mild panic mode as I thought she took
the baby along with her.
••
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.
The person who answered said, "Bob is on
vacation...... Would you like to hold?"
••
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man
driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph
zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the
window and said, 'Officer, I should warn you not
to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
••
That awkward moment when you
leave a store without buying anything and all
you can think is "act natural, you're innocent"
••
At a company presentation
my boss asked me to start the presentation
with a joke.
So I put my payslip on the first slide.
••
When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget?
When they are slow dancing and he tells her how
nice her hair smells.
••
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless,
vegan brownies is "compost."
••••
