••
♥
Joey is arrested and the big policeman says to him,
"I'm afraid you'll have to spend the night in the
lock-up."
Joey says, "Do you mind telling me the charge
officer."
The cop replies, "No charge to you.
It's all part of the service."
••
Went to a dinner party the other night.
Dress code was black tie so I wore a t-shirt with the
face of Tiger Woods on it.
••
What's the difference between the government
and the Mafia?
One of them is organized.
••
Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
A: Straight through the rib cage.
••
Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a
plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture,
no small feat for a non-plumber.
Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber
dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old
son.
I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together
again, the tank filled, and I flushed it.
However, it didn't work much better than
before.....
As I pondered what to do next, my son walked
into the bathroom.
I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just
dislodged and told him that the toilet still
wasn't working.
"Did you get the green one, too?" he asked.
••
Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying.
Details to follow."
••
So this old man is walking down the street in
R-ville.
He sees a young boy sitting on the street in
front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his
mouth as fast as possible.
The man walks up to the boy and says
"You know son, it’s really not healthy to eat all
that candy like that."
The kid looks up at him and says, "You know
my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."
The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of
candy?"
The kid looks at him and says "No, but he
minded his own damn business."
••
The secret of our marriage is chemistry.
She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac.
••
A man committed suicide by overdosing on
decongestant tablets.
All they found was a pile of dust.
••
I love you more today than yesterday....
Yesterday you really got on my nerves.
••
Anita gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
An old aunt who came to visit her, noticed that
the baby had flaming red hair.
"I see that you have black hair", she said to
Anita,
"What color is the fathers' hair?".
"I have no idea", answered Anita,
"He was wearing a hat".
••••
