More and more Humingbirds are
coming to the feeders...
••
Great Grill...Huh!
••••••
•••
♥
I Was telling a black guy the other day that I was using my hoe to
dig the weeds.
Had to explain that I wasn't using the wife to cultivate my cannabis
plants...
dig the weeds.
Had to explain that I wasn't using the wife to cultivate my cannabis
plants...
••
McTavish had been going out with Morag for about two years.
Eventually, he decided to "pop the question".
As the couple sat in a car, watching the sun go down, McTavish
collected enough courage to ask her the most momentous of all
questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began,
"but there comes a time when a man needs companionship of
another being - someone who will regard him as perfect, as an idol,
who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, and who will
share life's joys and sorrows."
McTavish thought he saw a sympathetic gleam in Morag's eyes.
To his delight, she nodded in agreement.
Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea!
Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy..."
Eventually, he decided to "pop the question".
As the couple sat in a car, watching the sun go down, McTavish
collected enough courage to ask her the most momentous of all
questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began,
"but there comes a time when a man needs companionship of
another being - someone who will regard him as perfect, as an idol,
who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, and who will
share life's joys and sorrows."
McTavish thought he saw a sympathetic gleam in Morag's eyes.
To his delight, she nodded in agreement.
Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea!
Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy..."
••
I was really unprepared for my big speech on the flight of birds.
So I winged it.
So I winged it.
••
While creating women, God promised men that good and obedient
wives would be found in all corners of the earth.
And then God smiled and made the earth round.
wives would be found in all corners of the earth.
And then God smiled and made the earth round.
••
Yo Momma is so fat her idea of a threesome is Neapolitan Ice
Cream!
Cream!
••
After 20 years two college rivals bumped into
each other.
"Do you remember how I used to be so fat and
flabby?' asked the first.
"Well, I've been on an exercise program for a
few years, and now I run marathons."
"That’s great!" replied the other man.
"And," the first man continued, "Do you
remember how I used to be shy and a poor
student? Well, I took a course in public speaking,
and now I make hundreds of thousands of
dollars a year on the lecture circuit."
"That's great!" came the reply.
"Oh, and how about you?" the first man asked.
"Have you changed at all?"
"Well, yes I have”, replied the second man.
"Remember how brutally honest I used to be,
and how when someone said something
uninteresting, I would reply, 'I couldn't care less?'
"Well now I just say, 'That’s great!"
each other.
"Do you remember how I used to be so fat and
flabby?' asked the first.
"Well, I've been on an exercise program for a
few years, and now I run marathons."
"That’s great!" replied the other man.
"And," the first man continued, "Do you
remember how I used to be shy and a poor
student? Well, I took a course in public speaking,
and now I make hundreds of thousands of
dollars a year on the lecture circuit."
"That's great!" came the reply.
"Oh, and how about you?" the first man asked.
"Have you changed at all?"
"Well, yes I have”, replied the second man.
"Remember how brutally honest I used to be,
and how when someone said something
uninteresting, I would reply, 'I couldn't care less?'
"Well now I just say, 'That’s great!"
••
The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with
a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
••
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and
a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?"
I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?"
I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
••
Sitting at the bar after a game, Joe said to a club
member.
"I'm not about to play golf with Jim Walsh
anymore."
"Why not?"
"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the
green."
"That's possible."
"Not when I had the ball in my pocket!"
member.
"I'm not about to play golf with Jim Walsh
anymore."
"Why not?"
"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the
green."
"That's possible."
"Not when I had the ball in my pocket!"
••
I'm starting to worry, my Doctor said I was sound as a dollar!??
