Friday, March 30, 2012

Good Morning...Friends and neighbors..
Looks to be a nice weekend coming up...
Would be nice to win that big lottery prize...
But what would I do with it??
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Well, It looks like no pictures today....
Blogger won't upload pictures...
I have tried for over an hour....
sorry.....
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CNN said that, after the war, there is a plan to
divide Iraq into 3 parts, regular, premium and
unleaded.

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I had to voice my concern when a co-worker said
she found dates using the Internet.
"Don't worry about me," she said, "I always insist
we meet at a miniature golf course."
 "Why there?" I asked.
"First, it's a public spot," she said.
"Second, it's in broad daylight.
And third, I have a club in my hand."

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 What do politicians & porn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of
a camera!

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Billionaire Virgin business group boss
Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the
Indian cricket team currently reeling after a string
of tournament defeats.
 However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India
(BCCI) has politely refused the generous
multi-million-pound offer by the cricket-mad
magnate.
 As one of the Board official snapped:
"We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts,
when we got screwed in every match in England"!

••
Seen on the door of a repair shop:
WE CAN FIX ANYTHING.
(please knock on the door, the bell doesn't work.)

••
I see the baby's nose is running again,"
said a worried father.
"For goodness sake!" snapped his wife.
"Can't you think of anything other than
horse racing?"

••
As a Easy Jet Air Lines jet was flying over
Pyranees on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing
his passengers with a running commentary about
landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor
Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in
northern Spain which formed the Mediterranean
sea.
It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron,
roughly 150 miles long and weighing 300,000 tons
struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour,
scattering white-hot debris for miles in every
direction.
The hole measures nearly 50 miles across and is
570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim,
"Wow!.... It just missed the motorway too!"

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Q: What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
A: A lumpy milkshake.

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"Must you really lick the knife?"
"Sorry, force of habit," I said, "Loads of people do
it though, don't they?"
"Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor."

••
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales
that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped
in a coin.
 "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a
small, white card.
"It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a
great lover."
 "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight
wrong, too."

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