Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Good Morning...

A couple "Manatee's" in
Blue springs Florida....


Had a wicked night last night at our neighbors house,
drinking all the booze eating all their food...
 They will  flip when they get back from vacation!  

Women's first thought when coming across a skid mark in
the toilet:
"Eeww! That's horrible; I must get cleaning equipment before
I can use this."
Men's first thought when coming across a skid mark in the
toilet: "Alright...Gonna test my aim to see if I can I remove
this with the contents of my bladder"

As part of a sponsorship deal with the betting company
Betfair, the hot British women's Olympic beach volleyball duo,
Shauna Mullin and Zara Dampney, will be encouraging fans
to photograph their butts.
They will have a Quick Response bar code on the backs of
their teeny bikini bottoms.
When they are photographed by a smartphone,
it automatically takes users to Betfair's website.
A spokesman said they believe there's no better way to test
QR codes' effectiveness than by putting them on one of the
places that is likely to get photographed the most.
The problem is, with the bikinis they wear, is there room for a
bar code?

"You learn something new every day if you're not careful"

I used to tell people I adopted an Ethiopian
kid a few months ago.
I'd ask "would you like to see his picture"???
I'd open my wallet and pull out a bar code I had
cut out and say "he's the third one on the left".

Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of
Hawaiisponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of
church bells towelcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S.
Table Tennis Teamafter its tour of China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing the
Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...?
You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in
his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
Todays Thought:
"Example is not the main thing in influencing others.
It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer

Rae's Trivia,.......
Researchers say that in Anglo-Saxon Britain, in the 5th and
6th centuries, boy babies were more prized than girls.
The belief spread that evil spirits would visit the cradle and
harm or carry off a boy child.
Blue, a power color representing the sky, would scare away
an evil spirit. Later, in Germany, a widespread legend held
that girl babies sprang from a pink rose and it became
customary to dress baby girls in pink.
That custom merged with the British one of dressing boys in


Monday, November 28, 2011

Good Morning Friends...
Did everyone have a good Thanksgiving?
I didn't think I could do the blog while on
vacation.. but I got the friends laptop working
good so was able to post...


My mind is like a steel trap ... Rusty and Illegal in 34 states...........

The blonde had made it big on Hollywood, and decided she
wanted to retire and go back to her home town in the country.
There, she buys a large plot of land, has a big house made,
with three swimming pools outside.
She throws a housewarming party and all her friends and
relatives are there.
One friend pipes up: "How come you have three swimming
pools outside?"
Blonde: "One pool has warm water, for days when it is cold.
Another pool has cold water for days when it is hot."
 "What about the empty pool?"
"Well, sometimes I may not feel like swimming!"

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill.
The proprietor pocketed the bill.
The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
Now you know why they call it a workstation!

In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states
"All records are currently held by Chuck Norris,
and the records listed in this book are only the records of
those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris' records."

A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big
The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming
them one by one.
Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister,
Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad,
the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother
and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know
that I'm lying?"

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total
mayhem in his house.
His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing
in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all
about the front yard.
The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to
the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
 A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded
against one wall.
In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel,
and the family room was strewn with toys and various items
of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was
spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand
lay piled up by the back door.
 He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other
piles of clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!
 He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas,
reading a novel.
 She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"
 She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when
you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I
do today?"
 "Yes", he replied reluctantly.
 She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"

Todays Thought;
"Judge each day not by it's harvest,
but by the seeds you plant."

Rae's Trivia....
Steel was first manufactured in May 1728 in Simsbury CT by
Samuel Higley and Joseph Dewey.
The first open-hearth furnace for making steel was built in
1868 in Trenton, NJ. It was the New Jersey Steel and Iron
The first Bessemer steel converter was used in 1864 at
Eureka Iron and Steel Works.



Sunday, November 27, 2011

Good Morning Friends.....

We can have pie for breakfast......


Some day I hope to be able to afford an iPhone...
like the girl in front of me with the food stamps....

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
asked the fellow from a nearby city.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment,
then began in a patient tone, "Well, sir, cattle can do a
powerful lot of damage with horns.
ometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw.
Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple
drops of acid where their horns would grow in,
and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, sir....
is 'cause it's a horse.

The collective noun for bison is herd, unless theyre on
iptoes - then theyre unherd.

Pete: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face
with a very fierce gorilla?
Gus: No, what happened?
Pete; Well, I stood there, without a gun . . .
The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat
his chest.......... Then it came closer and closer . . .
Gus: What did you do?
Pete; Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

One lab mouse to another: I've trained that crazy human
at last.
How have you done that?
I don't know how, but every time I run through that maze and
ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.

Two Yuppettes were shopping.
When they started to discuss their home lives,
one said,"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight.
I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied,
"I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

A midget waddles into the library and asks,
"Have you got a book on Irony?"
The librarian says, "Yeah, it's on the top shelf."

Mom: Where were you last night?
Son: Studying with my friends...
Mom: Don't lie!
Son: Alright, I was at a stripper club.
Mom: Did you see anything there that you were not
supposed to see?
Son: Yeah... I saw dad.

Todays Thought;
"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to
make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you
are ever going to fight.
Never stop fighting." - E. E. Cummings

Rae's trivia......
Bears are three-gaited, meaning they walk, lope or gallop.
It has been reported that a grizzly bear can run nearly as fast
as a horse (33-34 mph) for a distance of 50 to 100 yards.
This is definitely faster than a human being can run.
The lope, slower than the gallop, is an easy, ground-covering,
bounding gait that does not seem to tire the bear and can be
maintained for a long time.



Saturday, November 26, 2011

Good Morning, Friends...
Did you make it thru black Friday......
I see where people we going crazy...
not me... I needed my beauty sleep....


What do you call 20 fleas on a dog’s back?

Pete consulted a foot doctor, who advised him to
put on a clean pair of socks each day for a week and then
come back.
Pete returned walking awkwardly.
"Where are your shoes?" the doctor asked.
Complained Pete, "I just couldn't get them on over
all these socks.

Someone who gets run over at a Black Friday sale: Wal-Martyr.

Hillary and Bill are fast asleep when, at 2a.m.
Hillary awakens and needs to go to the bathroom.
 She pokes Bill in the side and says, "Wake up. Bill, wake up!"
 Bill stirs and says, "Hillary, it’s 2 o’clock in the morning!
What do you want?"
 Hillary replies, "I have to go to the bathroom."
 "Well, go then! Why are you waking me up?"
 To which, Hillary answers "I want you to save my place."

Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler ....
what do you call a small one?
A: Goblet.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and
thy mother' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered..........
"Thou shalt not kill."

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.
He read, 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and
flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned
to salt."
His son asked, "But what happened to the flea?"

I bought this thing for my car.
You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise,
so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front
of your car.
I installed it backwards by accident.,,,,
Now I Drive down the street with a herd of deer chasing me.

In the Roadrunner cartoon, the coyote has been chasing him
for 25 years.
I'd like to see him finally get right up to him and go "Sorry,
I thought you were someone else."
Todays Thought;
"Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent
perspiration." - Thomas Alva Edison

Rae's Trivia....
The belief that it is lucky to pick up a horseshoe comes from
the idea that it was a protection against witches and evil
The legend is that Mars (iron) is the enemy of Saturn
(God of the Witches); consequently they were nailed to the
house door with two ends uppermost, so that the luck did not
 "run out."

Friday, November 25, 2011

Good Morning.....Friends....
Well as usuall, I made a pig of my self..
Ate way too much....
But I guess thats what you do on Thanksgiving..
I had alot to be Thankful for.......

Cool looking tree.....

"Sparky" ate too much too...


How come you can't find lawyers sunbathing on the beach?
Cats keep covering them over with sand.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at
various locations.........
Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience,
we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."
Sign at fast-food place:
Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
 "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summers suit.
Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Sign from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors.
These were executed over the past two years."
Sign in an East African newspaper:
"A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the
contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."
Sign in a Vienna hotel:
"In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
"Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

Petewete  is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to
prove to the barman that he is sober.
He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says,
"You see that cat coming in the door?
It has two eyes.
If I were drunk, I'd see four!"
The bartender looks, then pauses a moment.
Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!",
taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in,
it's going out!"

Nurse: Good morning Mr. Martin, you seem to be coughing
much more easily this morning.
Mr. Martin: That?s because I?ve been practicing all night.

Recalled Christmas Toys........
1.Broken Bag-O-Glass
2.Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
3.Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
4.Timothy McVays home Chemistry set..
5.Switchblade Barney
6.Pork-n-Beany Babies
7.Make your own moonshine kit
8.Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)

Answering Machine Message ........
Computer generated voices:
1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone
right now.
2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!
1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like,
you can leave your name and telephone number...
2: ...and a message! .......You forgot about the message!
1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number,
and a brief message after you hear the beep,
and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get
2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!

A wild-eyed man, dressed in a Napoleonic costume and
 hiding his right hand inside his coat, entered the
psychiatrist's office and nervously exclaimed, "Doctor....
I need your help right away."
 "I can see that," retorted the doctor.
"Lie down on that couch, and tell me your problem."
 "I don't have any problem," the man snapped.
"In fact, as Emperor of France, I have everything I could
possibly want: money, women, power--everything!
But I'm afriad my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble."
 "I see," said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. "And what seems to be her main problem?"
 "For some strange reason," answered the unhappy man,
"she thinks she's Mrs. Martin."

Todays Thought;
"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything
but the best, you very often get it." - Somerset Maugham

Rae's Trivia......
The state fish of Hawaii is the HUMUHUMUNUKUNUKUAPUA'A,
which is a form of trigger fish.
It is actually not too hard to pronounce if you notice the
epetition. HUMU - HUMU - NUKU - NUKU - APUA'A.


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Turkey Day...to all my friends and readers,,
Gonna be a great Turkey Dinner....
Pete, I just know you will enjoy the first of
many Thanksgivings with the new Granddaughter...
Happy Thanksgiving to your family....

A great place to get a good fish dinner....

cought the sun going down......


Thanksgiving and Election Day....
What's the difference between Thanksgiving and Election Day?
On Thanksgiving you get a turkey for a day,
on Election Day you get a turkey for four years....

Petewete.... Shot my first turkey today...
scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section...
It was awesome !!!

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the
bonnet of their car. "Quick sister," screams one nun,
"Show him your cross!"
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts,
"Hey! You! Buzz off!"

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square,
until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Fairy tales...
When Chelsea Clinton was eight, Hillary was reading one of
her favorite fairy tales.
 "Mommy," asked Chelsea, "Do all fairy tales begin with
"Once Upon a Time...?""
"No, dearest," replied Hillary, "sometimes they start with
'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight..."

One day, a painter found himself short of help and went to the
unemployment office to hire someone for the day.
When he arrived, they didn't have any painters available,
 but they did have a gynecologist there.
He reluctantly took him along to help.
A couple of weeks later, the painter returned to the
unemployment office needing temporary help again.
This time there were two painters, but instead he asked for the
 gynecologist again.

The clerk asked, "Why do you want a gynecologist when we
 have two professional painters you can take right now?"
He said, "Two weeks ago when I hired the gynecologist, we
arrived at the house and it was locked with nobody home.
But I'll be damned if that gynecologist didn't stick his hand
 through the mail slot and paint the whole house!"

A Groaner:
What kind of flooring is inherently sheepish?...
Lamb innate.

A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of
the cages.
"An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper.
"That's a moose from Canada", came the reply.
"A moose !!", exclaimed the Scotsman.
"Hoots, mon, if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the
size of elephants over there !"

Todays Thought;
"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue,
but the parent of all the other virtues." - Cicero

And now the Trivia......
Turkeys raised in the United States during 2011 is 248 million,
up 2 percent from the number raised during 2010.
The turkeys produced in 2010 together weighed 7.11 billion
pounds and were valued at $4.37 billion.