Todays weather:
Mostly cloudy with a 50 percent chance of showers.
Highs in the upper 60s.
Reading 60º now....
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~ When a woman found out that she was pregnant,
she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son,
Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said.
"I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy,
we're going to call it quits.
she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son,
Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said.
"I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy,
we're going to call it quits.
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~ An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been
any interest in his paintings currently on display.
The owner decided to have some general fun and said,
"I've got good news and bad news."
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about
your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value
after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your
paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed,
"What's the bad news?".
With concern, the gallery owner replied,
"The guy was your doctor."
~ An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been
any interest in his paintings currently on display.
The owner decided to have some general fun and said,
"I've got good news and bad news."
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about
your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value
after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your
paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed,
"What's the bad news?".
With concern, the gallery owner replied,
"The guy was your doctor."
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~ I think the dipstick in my car is wearing out.
It doesn't reach the oil anymore.
~ I think the dipstick in my car is wearing out.
It doesn't reach the oil anymore.
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~ Norman was excited about his first day at school.
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to
the bathroom.
So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be
excused.
Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be
quick.
Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more
desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little
diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will
be able to find it now.
Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on
his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room
and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been
at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later
they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Eddie "Well, did you find it ?"
Eddie is quick with his reply:
"Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to
the bathroom.
So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be
excused.
Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be
quick.
Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more
desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little
diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will
be able to find it now.
Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on
his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room
and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been
at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later
they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Eddie "Well, did you find it ?"
Eddie is quick with his reply:
"Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
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~ The teacher says to her new class, "For our first
lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name,
what your father does, spell what your father does,
and then explain it to us.
All right, Billy...... You go first."
Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy.
My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends
people in court."
The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."
Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin.
My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n..."
The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and
learn how to spell pharmacist.
All right, Angelo."
Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo.
My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here,
he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin'
pharmacist by tomorrow."
lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name,
what your father does, spell what your father does,
and then explain it to us.
All right, Billy...... You go first."
Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy.
My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends
people in court."
The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."
Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin.
My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n..."
The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and
learn how to spell pharmacist.
All right, Angelo."
Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo.
My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here,
he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin'
pharmacist by tomorrow."
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~ The Fourth of July weekend was approaching,
and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher,
took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.
'We live in a great country,' she announced.
'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this
country, we are all free.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class,
came walking up to her from the back of the room.
He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly,
'I'm not free...... I'm four.'
and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher,
took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.
'We live in a great country,' she announced.
'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this
country, we are all free.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class,
came walking up to her from the back of the room.
He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly,
'I'm not free...... I'm four.'
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~ Eight year old Sally brought her report card home
from school.
Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault.
She talks too much in school.
I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break
her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the
back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally
because I would like to try it out on her mother."
from school.
Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault.
She talks too much in school.
I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break
her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the
back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally
because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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~ Wife: Where the hell are you?
Husband: Honey you remember the jewellery shop
where you saw the diamond necklace,
totally fell in love with it and I didn't have much money
at that time and I said "baby it'll be yours one day"
Wife: Ah! Yes, I remember my Darling!
Husband: I am in the pub with my friends just next to
that shop.
Husband: Honey you remember the jewellery shop
where you saw the diamond necklace,
totally fell in love with it and I didn't have much money
at that time and I said "baby it'll be yours one day"
Wife: Ah! Yes, I remember my Darling!
Husband: I am in the pub with my friends just next to
that shop.
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~ What does it say at the bottom of Newfie Beer Bottles?
Open At Other End.
Open At Other End.
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Todays Thought:
* Money may not be everything but it has a pretty good
lead on whatever is in second place...
lead on whatever is in second place...
Rae's Trivia.....
The electric eel has thousands of electric cells,
with those organs making up four-fifths of its body.
It lives in the Amazon River and its tributaries and is
the most shocking animal on Earth,
no other animal packs such a big charge.
If attacking a large prey, a 9-foot-long eel can
discharge about 800 volts.
One zap could easily stun a human senseless.
The larger the eel, the bigger the charge.
The electric eel’s shocking power is so great that it can
overtake its victims while 15 feet away.
with those organs making up four-fifths of its body.
It lives in the Amazon River and its tributaries and is
the most shocking animal on Earth,
no other animal packs such a big charge.
If attacking a large prey, a 9-foot-long eel can
discharge about 800 volts.
One zap could easily stun a human senseless.
The larger the eel, the bigger the charge.
The electric eel’s shocking power is so great that it can
overtake its victims while 15 feet away.
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