Monday, January 31, 2011

# 1,195

Good Morning, Friends and neighbors....
I'm showing 35º this morning...
Freezing rain later.....

No, No, No not for me....
Petewete likes these...

I'll take the hot dog....
But Chili, please...

He wants part of that hotdog.....
with chili please!

I guess the Cat wants some too...
With chili??

I don't know how good it is with chili...


Don't get close then.....

The goverenment must have built this fence..

He's watching out for the bad guys...
He's ready for them......

Well, I gotta go...
gotta plow some snow....

~~ Carlos the ice-cream man’s van is parked at the side of the road.
Lights flashing, music playing, a big queue of excited kids
stretches down the street.
But no sign of Carlos.
A cop walking down the road wonders what is going on.
Where is Carlos?
Why is he not dishing out the ice-cream?
He goes over to the van and peers over the high counter.
On the floor he spots Carlos, lying very still covered in
chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce, nuts, hundreds and
thousands and those little jelly bits.
"Get back kids" he shouts.
Moving away so the bemused kids cannot overhear him he
gets on the radio to the station.
Sarge get someone down here quick" he stutters
"Carlos the ice-cream man ......... He’s topped himself !"

~~ On a beautiful Summer's day, a father and his
eight-year-old son were lying on the grass by the river bank,
looking up at the sky and watching the wisps of cloud float
gently overhead.
After a few minutes of silence, the boy turned to the father
and said "Dad, why are we here?"
"That's a good question, son.
I think we're here to enjoy days such as this, to experience
nature in all its glory, the vastness of the sky, the beauty of
the trees, the song of the birds, the rippling flow of the
We're here to help make the world a better place,
to pass on our wisdom to future generations who will
hopefully profit from our achievements and learn from our
We're here to savour the small triumphs of life -
passing your school exams, the birth of a new member of
the family, promotion at work, a win for our team.
And we're here to comfort those dearest to us in times of
distress, to provide kindness and compassion,
support and strength, to let them know that, no matter how
bad a situation may seem, they are not alone.
Does that answer your question, son?"
"Not really, Dad."
"No, what I meant was, why are we here when Mum
said to pick her up over an hour ago?"

~~ There was a man in the hospital bed.
He was covered with bandages from head to toe.
The guy next to him asked, "What do you do for a living?"
He said, "I'm a former window cleaner."
"When did you give it up?"
"Halfway down."

~~ A man who robbed banks, dressed as a woman,
has finally been caught.
The judge gave him a long prison sentence,
and warned him that his career as a female impersonator
was probably not over just yet...

~~ The dad is telling his son stories to help him sleep.
The only sound is the murmur of dad's voice.
Two hours pass, and there's silence in the room.
The mother creeps to the door and whispers:
"Is he asleep dear?"
"Yes, Mummy" says her son.

~~ I bought a new abacus from a street corner salesman
this morning.
I said "This looks a bit dodgey,
are you sure it's going to work?"
"Don't count on it" he replied

~~ Does anyone have the owners manual for a wife?
Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise........

~~ Robber:- Give me the money or you're Geography.
Bank Clerk:- Don't you mean History?
Robber:- Don't start changing the subject.

~~ A snake walks? into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender tells him he cant serve him.
"Why not" say's the snake.
The bartender tells him because he can't hold his beer.

~~ A man being mugged by two thugs put up a
tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet,
the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied
"I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my

Todays Thought: "Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet."

Rae's Trivia: An elephant's trunk is extremely complex and sensitive,

capable of performing delicate functions like picking up a coin from a flat
surface or cracking open a peanut, blowing away the shell,
and putting the kernel in its mouth.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Good Morning...Friends.
Partly cloudy and in the lower 40's..
Weather, wet Tuesday& Wednesday...

No breakfast for me this morning...
Don't look like "Links" to me...

Sez, he don't want any either....

Me neither...I'z listening to "Elvis".....

We all need someone to fix our bad days.....

Don't look like Max....

Smile for the camera.....

Pocket creature ?
Looks like a Sugar glider....

I think somebody goofed.....

Damn, "Curly"  Are you that Hungry??

Yep, you look Happy......

Some body didn't plan ahead.....
This is wrong in so many ways....

Well, time to leave.....

~~ I met a guy today called Percy Vere.

I said, ' That's a funny name.'
'Yeh, ' He said, 'But I just keep carrying on!'

~~ Apple are developing a gadget that will keep your
drinks chilled for longer times.
They call it iScube..

~~ It would be nice.....
if suicide bombers practiced before going to the job.

~~ Bad pickup line......
My friends and I saw you over here, and decided that a girl
as beautiful as you can't be left to sit on her own.
So, we drew lots to see who would come over here and ask
you to dance......... I lost, so here I am.

~~ I just got banned from a church.
Apparently it's 'disrespectful' to run through the church
graveyard singing staying alive.

~~ A man was visiting his elderly neighbour and was given
a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?"
The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when
I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbour.
"My ex-wife," replied the old man.

~~ My neighbor has created a new toilet that plays music...
It's called an iPood.

~~ Two old friends are playing golf when they get
to the 9th tee, where there is a rest area overlooking a lake.
Gus looks at Pete and says,
"Hey Pete, check out those two idiots fishing in the rain"

~~ He's in really bad shape...
So Froggy calls the town psychiatrist and cries,
"Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible.
My husband is in really bad shape!"
The shrink rushes over.
The worried wife say, "Thank God you are here, doctor.
Just go down the hall..... He's in the last room on the right."
The shrink goes in the room and sees Froggy's husband
sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fish line in
the toilet.
He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very
But why didn't you call me sooner?"
"Who had time?" Froggy asks.....
"I've been cleaning fish all week."

Todays Thought:  "Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting."

Rae's Trivia:  What did the Greeks think of parsley?

Parsley is a common herb of the Mediterranean area and was
well known to the ancient Greeks.
They considered it too sacred to eat.
Romans did serve it as a garnish and to improve the taste of
They believed it had special powers and would keep them

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Good Morning, Friends and neighbors...
I'm reading 26º this morning....
Going to be a heat wave for the next couple days..
In the 50's, but....snow Wednesday....
Petewete, get the long ladder out, and plug
them holes!!

Whats that got to do with the price of tea in China??

That's a mean lookin Hard Roll....
"Watch that knife" you might cut yourself...

Hungry, are you??

Yep, cats like Boxes... to play in....
Don't believe me? stick your hand in.....

He wanted that cheeseburger......
Why the dog??

Who wants to out stare a Goat??
What kinda deal is that??

Wow! What can I say...Wrong so many ways....

 Eno, has a hard time with the Ladies....

How you like my new paint job?
Cool Huh?

~~ "It's been widely reported that the meat content of Taco Bell's ground beef is only 36 percent, which explains their new slogan: 'Think Outside the Cow.'" -Conan O'Brien

~~ A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a
TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have
never met?
Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man
you don't know makes a touchdown.

~~ A blonde came home from her first day commuting into
the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and
asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," the blonde replied.
I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said.
"Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to
switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."

~~ "A married man should forget his mistakes;
no use two people remembering the same thing."

~~Airline pilots wanted in New York with strong religous
Successful candidates will be required to balance on the
wings of their aircraft
and an ability to walk on water would be an advantage !

~~ Food for Thought ......
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved
through suitable application of high explosives.

~~ One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor
at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess
After everyone had made it through the chow line,
he sat them down and told them,
"There are three rules in this mess hall:
Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention,
he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors,
60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

~~ A few women were sitting around the table talking,
and the subject turned to their husbands.
One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me,
I think he's going to go to Hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed
that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going
to end up in Hell.
So, then the housewives started speculating about
One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to
Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing.
I won't make it unless I mend my ways and I better start soon."
At this point they noticed that one of the ladies
(the only single women in the group, and a blonde mind you)
wasn't saying anything.
They turned to her and said "You're such a nice lady,
surely you'll be going to Heaven?"
She says "No way!
In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a
ticket straight to Hell!"
They were shocked and asked, "Why??"
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men,
do you?"

~~ A pastor received a box of goodies addressed to his
wife and himself from an elderly lady in the church.
Inside the box was this note...
"Dear Pastor, I know that you do not like sweets,
so I am sending this candy to your wife -- and nuts to you."

~~ A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
He goes to R-ville to claim it and the man verifies his ticket
The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir.
It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no.
I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explains that he would only get a million
that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out,
"Look, I want my money!
If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now,
then I want my dollar back!"

~~ Petewete walked over to the perfume counter and told
the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered Petewete.
"She's expecting a cruise."

Todays Thought:  The truth never hurts unless it ought to.

Rae's Trivia....  Why don't cashews come in shells?   
Cashew nuts are expensive, and never have shells because
the shell and skin of the cashew nut contains extremely
caustic oil that can painfully blister the skin.
This dangerous oil must be completely removed before the
nut can be touched or eaten.


~~~~~~~~▼  ▲▼▲▼~~~~~~~

Friday, January 28, 2011

Good Morning.... Cloudy this morning.....
a little rain, and snow this morning.....
But sunshine this afternoon.......
Another storm next week....Tuesday- Wednesday.....

Yesterday morning... snow is leaving...

Oh, No...he's having eggs for breakfast...

He,doesn't want eggs...wants his Tuna, thank you.....

Seems, their eyes are bigger then their belly....

Oh! wanna fight, HUH!!

Hope she don't............

Just as good as any were.........

I just don't know what to say......
Kinda weird....

Are you tired of Digging yet??

Just what I need.. I need to lost some weight...

He's got it all dolled up.....
I bet it's a dog to wash....


~~ A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ
because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of
Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know!
I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher,
and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he
knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father
gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells
'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

~~ Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks.
At a party, an old friend exclaimed,
"Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years."
"Oh," said Mom, horrified.
"I hope I didn't look like this 20 years ago."

~~ Having been married ten years and still living in an
apartment, the wife would often complain about anything,
as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home.
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment,
within their budget.
However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
Joel, she said, I don't like this place at all.
There are no curtains in the bathroom.
The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath.
Don't worry. replied her husband.
If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains.
Then, the fight started.....

~~ A spiritualist who’d recently been widowed met a
colleague and reported excitedly that she’d just received a
message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a
pack of cigarettes.
"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don’t know where to
send them."
"Why not?" asked her friend.
"Well, he didn’t actually say that he was in Heaven,
but I can’t imagine he’d be in Hell."
"Hmm," responded the friend.
"Well, maybe I shouldn’t bring this up,
but, he didn’t mention anything about including matches
in the package, did he?"

~~ A large box was delivered on campus to one of the

boys' college dormitories one morning.
In it the boy to whom it was sent found two regular shirts,
one tee, and one pair of underwear.
"Any idea what that means?" asked his roomate.
The exuberant answer was "Yeah.
Now I can sit back and not worry about doing laundry
for two weeks."

~~ I decided to put together one of my six-year-old son's
model kits one rainy afternoon.
I found one of a dinosaur and was looking over the pieces
when he passed by.
"What'cha doing, Dad?" he asked.
I told him I was going to put the dinosaur together,
but the instructions were missing.
"Well, Dad," he grinned, "I guess you'll just have to do it
from memory."

~~ A man just got dumped by his girlfriend.
He was telling several friends about how it happened and
said, "When I was talking to her on the phone,
she told me something about meeting a man in Germany.
This man owns a sheep farm and is very, very rich."
Then one of the friends asked,
"You mean she dumped you for a German shepherd?"

~~ A co-worker was beside himself.

He was expecting an important business call,
but his phone wasn't receiving incoming calls.
He phoned the technical department,
but no one answered.
So he sent this urgent email: "
Could you please give me a call; my telephone
doesn't work."

~~ After the fall in the Garden of Eden,
Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel.
As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden,
one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?"
Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us
out of house and home."

~~ I haven't taught my kids to tell time yet.
That way, I can say it's bedtime whenever I want.

~~ My sister's eldest boy liked nothing better then to sit
on his grandfather's knee and have stories read to him.
One day after a story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led
pairs of animals to the safety of the ark.
The little boy asked, "Grandad, you are very old, were you in
Noah's ark?"
"Gosh no...." said Grandad.
"In that case, how come you didn't drown when the flood

Todays Thought:  "Once you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
Rae's Trivia....  Popcorn kernels that didn’t pop are called “old maids” or “spinsters”.
Kernels that don’t contain enough moisture or have cracks
in their outer shell that allows the steam to escape will
typically become old maids.