Sunday, October 31, 2010

Get ready for the ghosts and goblins..
I get to see the grand, and great grandkids dressed up...
That's whats great...
Being in the country- their all the trick or treaters we get..

Have a SAFE evening.....

I'z a globlin....and I need a treat...

I'z a biker and it'll take a milk bone, please...

What you is??

I'ze a Wizard, in the pumpkin patch.....
On, noes...a big black spider.....
I don't like spiders.....

Yep, you two sure look alike....

We'ze Twins.....and we found a hiding place...

Oh, no....RUN......

Witch's don't get Angry, they??

What can I say........

Well, It's time to go......
You like my ride..........

~~ Pete's barn burned down.Pat, his wife, called the insurance company and said,
"We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."
"Whoa there, just a minute,Pat, it doesn't work like that.
We will assess the value of the building and provide you
with a new one of comparable worth." the agent replied.
Pat, after a pause, said, "Well, in that case,......
I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

~~ Hey this right??
Top ten reasons to become a nurse
1) Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2) Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3) Needles: "Tis better to give than receive"
4) Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
5) Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
6) Interesting aromas.
7) Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear
orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8) Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9) Celebrate all the holidays with your friends - at work.
10) Take comfort that most of your patients survive no
matter what you do to them.

~~ What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.

~~ Why do pumpkins never quarrel?
Because they have no stomach for fighting.

~~ Each day an office worker brought a bag lunch,
which always consisted of fruits, vegetables,
and whole grains.
A colleague complimented her on her dedication
to healthy eating.
The woman laughed saying.
"These are the only foods that I'm sure my roommates
won't eat!"

~~ One day on the set, director Roman Polanski was asked
by an actress about her character's "motivation".
"Say the damn words!" he shouted.
"Your salary is your motivation."

~~ When the famous Dutch physician and chemist
Hermann Boerhaave died in 1738, he left behind a sealed
book entitled
"The Onliest and Deepest Secrets of the Medical Art".
The book was auctioned for a vast quantity of gold.
When the new owner broke the seal, he was surprised to find
that 99 of its 100 pages were blank.
Only the title page bore a handwritten note from the author:
"Keep your head cool, your feet warm, and you'll make the
best doctor poor."

~~ The spider loves to entertain Her neighbors and relations,

But woe to any bugs or flies Who accept her invitation!
So have a care, be wary of The most accomplished spinner.
When she murmurs, "Be my guest!"
What she means is, "Be my dinner!"

~~ "A new government study has found that the average
American car weighs five-hundred pounds more than it
did ten years ago.
However, this is only true if an average American is
sitting in the car."

Today's Thought:  When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.


Saturday, October 30, 2010

Good Morning, Friends and neighbors...
A cool 39º degrees this morning....
Calling for a colder 32º tomorrow morning.
Better bring your plants in.....


Wants to share my chocolate cake?

He would rather have a seal.....and he don't share!

The little critter wants some breakfast.....

He loves ice cream......

He wants to know what's going on.....?

With ears like that,...can you fly??

She's waiting to see if he's hungry.......

Alright! who took a bite outta my light bulb?

Not yet, "Frankie"... tomorrow night.....

Well, time to go.........


~~ Its halloween again, but jeez, they don't like it when you visit the old peoples home dressed as the grim reaper...

~~ My wife has me on the Chilean Miners Diet......
Every day I get 1/4 can of tuna fish, and 1 shot glass of milk.
And I have to stay in the basement, in my underwear with the
lights off.
I don't know if I'm losing weight but she sure seems happy!

~~ Customer, shopping for an alarm clock:
"I'd like one that rings when I'm ready to get up."

~~ Q: What state is Pittsburg in?
A: Colorado, Kansas, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, and Texas.
If you spell it with an "h" on the end (Pittsburgh),
it is also in Pennsylvania!

~~ If this weather keeps up over the weekend, kids that are
dressed up as witches and Superman may actually be able to

~~ Gus recovering from surgery felt hungry and asked his
nurse for some food.
She explained that his doctor's orders called for a liquid diet,
in other words, nothing you can't see through.
He thought for a moment, then said, "Okay!
Then have them send me a doughnut."

~~ While remodeling the spare bedroom, Pete was trying to
install a window shade which had arrived through a
mail-order company.
Frustrated trying to figure out how to hang it, he was annoyed
that the company hadn't included instructions.
However, he persevered and installed it correctly.
he proudly pulled on the cord, the blind opened perfectly...
and out fell the directions for hanging the blind.
The first words on the tightly rolled instruction sheet were:

~~ It looks like California is on the verge of legalizing
And you thought the haze over L.A. was bad before.

~~ A help-wanted ad on a bulletin board:
"Reliable, caring mom would like to take care of your child
while you work in my home."

~~ Pete decided one day to see if latino women were as
hot as rumoured...
so off he went to the big city to hit the Chili's restaurant,
he saw advertised.
He was excited as they said were having a sale on.........
"Virgin Margaritas"!!!!!

~~ A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.
While chatting with the bartender the man says:
"I have a method that will enable you to double the amount
of beer you sell every day."
"Really?!" says the bartender, "How?"
"Very simple........ Just pour full glasses."

~~ Several Engineers were sitting around trying to decide
which discipline God was - Civil, Mechanical, Electrical or
Chemical, as they all knew that he had to be one just based
on the design of the human body.
The Mechanical Engineers spoke up first, saying that
"look at the bone structure and the movement of the joints,
he must be an ME.
No, says the electrical, look at the nervous system and all the
electrical signals in the brain, he must be an EE.
The Chemical engineer piped up saying that they should
consider all the chemical reactions occurring in the body,
so he must be a Chem E.
Meanwhile the Civil engineer sat quietly.
So they all asked him which type of engineer God was.
He said it is obvious, God was a civil engineer, who else
would put a sewer right in the middle of a recreation area?

~~ Life insurance agent to would-be client Gus:
"Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision.
Sleep on it tonight.
If you wake in the morning,.......
give me a call then and let me know."

Todays Thought:  Adolescence is the period when a teenager discovers that hard work takes all the fun out of earning money.

Friday, October 29, 2010

# 1100...

Good Morning, Friends.... A nice clear, cool morning...46º.
Will be a mess this afternoon....  The BIG man comes to stump for his clone.....all the streets will be closed.

Yesterdays Sunrise..... See...I get up early  and get the picture
So you don't have too......

All right, get off the phone!!
No texting before breakfast....

Nice looking.....err, what is it??

Even the Easter bunny doesn't know??

You just better not, if you know whats good for you....

The baby's are cold, gotta keep them warm....

Not a good place to park......

I wouldn't sit between these guys.....
Your taking you life in your hands....

When I say "sit' I mean "Sit".

Are you still on that phone??

Bubba....I don't think that's a good Idea.....

Well, I gotta go, anyone want a ride??

~~ Here you go, Pete:

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers
to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in
the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
“Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young
boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,
“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

~~ Driving to work, a Pete had to swerve to avoid a box that
fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told Pete,
"but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, Pete asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

~~ A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him
to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says,
"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?"

~~ A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold
November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening ,
in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal,
one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was
eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!!
What did you do with them ?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

~~ A woman reported the disappearance of her husband
to the police.
The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her,
and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any
message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied.
"Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

~~ One dark night two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer
and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath,
"You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled.
"They misspelled my name!"

~~ Sherry said; Last summer, my husband, took me camping
for the first time.
At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.
One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods.
He tried the usual tactics to determine direction --
moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun
(it was an overcast day), etc., etc.
Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off
in the distance.
He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and
led us right back to our camp.
"That was terrific," I said.
"How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied.
"In this part of the country all the TV satellite dishes
point south."

~~ While riding the rails at the age of 14, Robert Mitchum
was arrested in Georgia and sentenced to hard labor on a
chain gang.
After escaping (with rifle shots whizzing past his head),
Mitchum and his brother John began hitching and hopping
trains, heading west toward their sister's cottage.
In New Orleans, Robert made it onto a box car but John was
grabbed by a railroad cop.
"John eventually got to Long Beach [California],"
one biographer recalled, "exhausted, dirty, worn out.
He got to his sister's cottage and there was Robert,
taking a bubble bath, reading a detective magazine, and
smoking a cigar.
And he looked up at John and said, 'What kept you?'"

~~ The new nun goes to her first confession.
She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.
The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity
of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious,
Sister Bernadette.
Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels
on your way to the altar."

~~ We recently moved from our home in the country to a
townhouse community, where double garages face the street.
I spent a lot of time in my garage during the moving process
and was glad to see the friendly way in which drivers waved
as they passed me.
It took me three days to realize they were reaching up for their
garage-door openers.

~~ American film producer Irving Thalberg, at the behest of
Lionel Barrymore, once granted the young Clark Gable a
screen test for a role in one of his films.
Introductions were duly made and Barrymore awaited
Thalberg's verdict...
"Look at those big, batlike ears!" the producer exclaimed,
turning to Barrymore. "Forget it, Lionel!"

Todays Thought;  "If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." (George Bernard Shaw)

Sorry, Frankie, not scard!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Good Morning, friends and neighbors....Boy it's another nice day,
after the fog burns off.  But cool weather is on it's way....

Guess who's in trouble........

under arrest??
Oh, No, not Bambi.....

Baby race?
I don't know.....

Cool bed...until I turn the water on....

You can tell getting near "Halloween"..


What can you say??

Giving a friend a drink.....

Sleep, little one....

Gotta get this thing fixed, so I can go.....

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Available at BSRemoval .....
Thats right you can get a BS(Bumper Sticker) Removal Kit.
Get one today and get the BS off of there,
and maybe pick one up for your family or friends.
Obama BS is hard to Remove, But with the BS Removal
Kit it makes it much easier..
Get yours today and Get the BS off of there.
PS, they are going fast!!

~~ Pete is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a
While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room,
a nun comes out of the doctor's office.
She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard.
Pete goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor:
"I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible.
I have never seen a woman look worse."
The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant."
Pete exclaims: "Oh my, is she?"
The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."

~~ A Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about
saying grace before meals.
One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that
church, so she started the discussion by asking him,
"Jerry, what does your father say when the family sits down
to dinner?"
Jerry answered, "Dad says, 'Go easy on the butter, kids,
it's three dollars a pound!"

~~ A bean supper will be held on Wednesday evening in
the church hall.......... Music will follow.
(Pete is Cooking??)

~~ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear; no car was to enter unless it had a
special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through.
You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through.
I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said,
"General, I'm new at this.
Do I shoot you or the driver?" \

~~ Two boys were playing with a new football in the road
outside their house.
"Hey,"' shouted their mother, "where did you get that
"We found it," replied one of the boys.
"Are you sure it was lost?" asked the mother.
"Yes," replied the boy, "we saw some people looking for it."'

~~ I was on duty as an emergency-room technician when a
father brought in his son, who had poked a tire from one of
his toy trucks up his nose.
The man was embarrassed, but I assured him this was
something kids often do.
I quickly removed the tire and they were on their way.
A few minutes later, the father was back in the ER asking to
talk to me in private.
Mystified, I led him to an examining room.
"While we were on our way home," he began,
"I was looking at that little tire and wondering,
how on earth did my son get this thing stuck up his nose
It took just a few seconds to get the tire out of Dad's nose.

~~ "For sale: Eight puppies from a German shepherd
and an Alaskan hussy."

~~ A cop pulls over a car load of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway.
Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41,
not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit,
that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know.
I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other
nuns are shaking and trembling.
The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your
friends back there?
They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "Oh, we just got off Highway 101."

~~ A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist.
"My life is a mess, doctor," she began, "I am so
damn hideous that no one will associate with
me, touch me, or even talk to me.
Can you help?"
"Why, certainly!......
Helping people feel much better
about themselves is my area of expertise.
I can start making you feel more confident about your
appearance right here and now."
"Oh, I am so grateful!..... What should I do first?"
she asked.
"First things first. Just walk over to the other
side of the room and lie face down on my couch."

Todays Thought: If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles, you wouldn't be able to sit down for months.