Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Hey you all....Going to be another good day....
Well, the hummingbirds are leaving... I did
have about 30, coming to the feeders,
last night there were 6-8...I's hard counting
them. Two came up to my bed room window,
peeking in, Sunday morning...

A good view of the mountains...

Just watching the sun go down.....

It means your laying in the sun spot coming through
the stain glass window.....

A circle of cats.....?
They tired....

A hairy June Bug.... got any thread??

I always thought this was a great Picture
And cute!

Won't any one steal the engine......

Funny job....huh!

He thought that was funny looking picture....
They don't do that....do they??

What can I say??

I will slip away....unseen in my car.....
Hoping no one sees me......

~~ Everything's starting to click for me!" said Gus at dinner. "My knees, my elbows, my neck..."

~~ A Waynesboro pheasant hunter took his son to
Greene county to do a little shooting,
but all of the good fields were posted "No Trespassing."
Being a good law abiding pheasant hunter (as surely all
Va., pheasant hunters are), the man left his son by their
car and went to the farm house to ask the farmer if they
might hunt in his fields.
He assured the farmer that no damage would be done to
his fields or fences, and the farmer said that he would
allow the hunting in his fields, if the hunter would do
him a favor.
"You see that old horse over there by your car?.
Well, he's old, and he's got miseries.
But he's sort of a family pet, and I can't bring myself to
shoot him........ Will you shoot him for me?"
The hunter agreed, and as he was walking back to his car,
he decided to play a joke on his son.
As he approached the car his son asked,
"Well, can we hunt the fields?"
The man pretending to be angry, responded
"You know these Greene farmers, they won't let anybody
hunt here.
It makes me so mad, I could...I could...",
and the man picked up his gun and shot the farmers horse.
But to his surprise, he heard additional gunshots behind him.
He turned around and his son said, "You got his horse.
I got his dog and cow...... Now, let's get out of here!"

~~ After learning that her parents were in a minor car
accident, my wife called her mother.
"What happened" she asked.
"I was driving and fell asleep," said her mother, irritated.
"And of course, your father wasn't paying attention!"

~~ Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all
answer at once.
How much is 6 plus 4?
Class: At once!

~~ "Didn’t you suspect burglars had been in the house
when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents
scattered all over the floor?" asked the policeman.
"No, I just thought my husband had been looking for a
clean shirt," replied Pat.

~~ We visited our newly married daughter,
who was preparing her first turkey dinner.
I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink
with a dish drainer inverted over the bird.
I asked why a drainer covered the turkey.
Our daughter turned to my wife and said,
"Mom, you always did it that way."
"Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!"

~~ When I was introduced to a couple visiting our
congregation, I decided to remember their names by
noting they were the same as those of two characters
in a popular children's story.
After the services I stopped to talk to them, and as they
were saying goodbye, I teased,
"Be careful going up that hill!
But you must get that all the time."
They smiled politely but said nothing.
After they left, my wife asked,
"What was that all about?"
"Jack and Jill.... Up the hill..,.. Remember?" I said.
"Yes, but what does that have to do with,"
she pointed to the couple, "Dick and Jane?"

~~  My husband used to work the night shift, so in the
evening my five year-old would climb into bed with me.
One night, my husband came home early.
"That's my wife," he joked.
"Get in your own bed."
"Fine" grumbled our son as he stormed off.
"When I have a wife, you can't sleep with her either."

~~ A man went to the police station wishing to speak
with the burglar who had broken into his house the night
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without
waking my wife.
I've been trying to do that for years!"

~~ A certain senator was sitting in his attorney's office.
His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or
the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the Senator incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

~~  Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?

A: Four: Two in front, two in back
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It’s full of elephants.
Q: How do you know when there are two elephants
 in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
Q: How do you know when there are three elephants
 in your refrigerator?
A: When you can’t close the door.
Q: How do you know when there are four elephants
 in your refrigerator?
A: When there is a Mini parked outside.

~~ More you say?............
Q: What’s harder than getting a pregnant elephant
, into a Volkswagen?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.
Q: Why is a elephant big, grey, and wrinkley?
A: Because if it was small, white and hard,
 it would be aspirin.
Q: Why are golf balls small and white?
A: Because if they were big and grey,
they would be elephants.

Todays Thought:  What this world needs is a vegetarian mosquito.


Monday, August 30, 2010

# 1040

Good Morning, Friends.....We had a good weekend,
Hope you all did too....
Got a couple hurricanes coming....

A nice sunrise.........

Okay, Okay.....I'll leave....
But who will feed you??

No, Sparky.....sleep in your own bed.......
Just because I get in bed with you in a Thunder storm,
doesn't mean you can get in mine......

I just don't know...??

Funny looking bird.......

Gotta take "Bubba" for his daily walk......

He'll never go back to living in the jungle.....

Weird looking critter....

Get them geese....

My power screw driver.........
Now I can work on my car........

I bet this thing wouldn't move in the snow....
I would be uneasy driving this thing...

~~ Seen in the Southern Illinois University student newspaper:
"Sweet, little old lady wishes to correspond with S.I.U.
Prefers six-foot male with brown eyes answering to
initials J.D.B.
Signed, "His Mother."

~~ What a dog I got..... His favorite bone is in my arm!

~~ While playing Scrabble at my future in-laws" house,
I asked, Is nag a word?"
As my father-in-law walked by, he answered,
"In about six months it will be."

~~ Two fellows were sitting in a bar.
Suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off.
One jumped up and headed for the door.
His friend shouted, "Hey, Paul, I didn't know you were a
Paul replied, "I'm not, but my neighbor's husband is..."

~~ One afternoon, a butcher went into a pet shop.
The butcher had visited that same pet shop every day for
a week straight.
It seems that he had fallen in love with one of the seagulls
in the shop.
Alas, he had no money to spend, but the pet shop owner
agreed to give him the bird in exchange for some of the
delicious German sausage from the butcher's store.
And so, the deal was made.
It seems that he took a tern for the wurst.....

~~ Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop....

~~ It was my first parachute jump, and I was petrified.
I'd watched the rest of my airborne troop leap out of the
plane, and I wanted no part of it.
Just then, a gust of wind sucked my glasses off my face
and out the door.
My jumpmaster had a solution: He shoved me out the door
and ordered, "Go get 'em!"

~~ I wanted to go to the Paranoids Anonymous meeting,
but they wouldn't tell me where it was.

~~ How do you catch a penguin?
Drill a hole in the ice, put a ring of peas around it.
When the Penguin comes up to take a pea kick him in
the ice hole.

~~ Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop
I was pulled over by a police officer who recognized me
as his former English teacher.
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "those stop signs are periods,
not commas."

~~ The frightened tourist: "Are there any bats in this cave?"
The guide: "There were, but don't worry, the snakes ate all
of them."

~~ My daughter was six and excited about learning all

the wonderful things about the world that first-graders learn.
She turned to me one day and asked,
"Dad, back in the old days when you were a kid,
had they learned how to make the wheel yet?"
I replied, "No, Sweetie, back then we were just grateful
to have fire."

Todays Thought:  Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Good Morning, people of the world......
Well, it's  a good Sunday Morning...
Hope everyone is having a good one...
I guess the Hummingbirds are getting ready to leave.
I think over half has already gone.....

You all are going to be still while I take this Elephants picture...

Damn, he getting to close..... "Smile"

I'm getting outta here..... that bugger is too big....

Yah, and he bit me......

And  Jerry goes to them meetings...

Okay...Okay... I'll give it to you.....

Just cruising along, getting ready to fish....

Okay, Pete, try these cool tricks.......

Their good teachers......

Damn it....he's mad, he tried the water tricks.....

Thats me........


Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
The Methodists are using wet-wipes,
Presbyterians are giving rain checks,
And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn
back into water!

~~ Little Johnny and his dad were on an overcrowded
Suddenly a lady in the front turned around,
slapped Little Johnny's dad, and then left in a huff.
"That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's dad said.
Little Johnny remarked,
"I didn't like her either, Daddy.
She stepped on my toe.
So I pinched her butt."

~~ An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check
to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder,
and cold cream.
On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs."

~~ Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding whereby you put your
money in your trouser pockets and give your jacket to your

~~ The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one
"I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."
"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said.
"We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."

~~ My 13-year-old son, Waylon, had been playing
a lot of hockey games and one Sunday we attended
church before his next game.
We knew Waylon had been on the rink too much when,
at the end of the service, as we lined up to greet the
pastor, he shook the pastor's hand and said,
"Good game."

~~ On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom,
Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like
this: in the evening if my hair is done, that means I don't
want sex at all.
If my hair is somewhat undone, that means
I may or may not have sex.
Last....if my hair is completely undone, that means I
want sex..."
The groom replied: "Okay sweetheart.
Just make we aware that when I come home, I usually
have a drink... If I have only one drink, that means
I don't want sex.
If I have two drinks, I may or may not be wanting sex.
But if I drink more than two.... your hair won't matter!

~~ The last thing my friend Christy was prepared
for was an invitation to a costume party.
Eight and a half months pregnant,
she was in no shape for any conventional costume.
Still, she wanted to go, so she painted a big yellow
circle on an extra-extra-large white T-shirt,
dug a pair of red devil horns out of her kids'
Halloween junk pile...and went as a deviled egg.

~~ State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art
computer to become obsolete.

~~ "A new survey found that 48 percent of Americans
are willing to try out a nude beach for vacation.
And my guess is that it's the wrong 48 percent."

~~ "Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be
president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be
vice president." - Johnny Carson

~~ I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless
13-year- old son babysit his younger brothers,
even though he begged me to.
"What about a fire?"
I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern.
"Mom," he said, rolling his eyes,
"I'm a Boy Scout.......
I know how to start a fire."

Todays Thought:  Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.


Saturday, August 28, 2010

Good Morning, Friends and Neighbors......
Ready for the good weekend??
Going to be a good one!

Yesterdays Sunrise..... The clouds started breaking up just in time to see the Sun..

This was  9:00 in the morning,
But the sun came shining through
And all in all, was a great day...

He's afraid some one's going to take his breakfast away.....
He'll fight you over that Balony.....

I guess they want fish for dinner??

Dog leg??...... better stick with milk.....Bubba!

Even the damn birds gotta eat......

Hey, wasn't me....had to be that damn bird......
Can't trust them a bit.......

Yep, no wonder I'm late all the time......

Easy! don't drop it......
It's hard cleaning up invisible glass....

Are you having fun??

Well, I guess it's time I got out of here....
Pete, Think this thing will get over the mountain??
I can just see it going up 64......!!

~~ A Pete and Pat sat down in their living room and Pete said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit,
so put your coat on.''
Pat replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why?
Are you taking me with you?''
Pete replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''

~~ What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went to the Amusement Park at the weekend and
decided to take a ride on the roller coaster.
As we came up to the top of the highest loop,
I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.
I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make
it out.
I was so curious that I decided to go round again,
but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the
sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round
a third time.
As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a
better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?"
asked the visitor.
"What did it say?"
"Don't stand up in the car!"

~~ My youngest daughter, Angie, graduated from college
and started teaching at an area school.
One day she went with a friend to a nearby restaurant for
A man seated next to her asks, "Are you a teacher?"
Suprised but happy, Angie replied, "Why, yes, I certainly am!"
She enjoyed a warm feeling throughout the meal...
she looked like a teacher, and this made her feel great.
As she was leaving the restaurant, she asked the man,
"How did you know I was a teacher?"
"You have chalk dust on your rear", he replied.

~~ "Most people are willing to pay more to be amused
than to be educated."

~~ As I picked out flowers for my mother,
I noticed a gentleman next to me juggling three boxes
of candy and a large bouquet.
"What did you do wrong?" I said with a laugh.
He mumbled back, "I got married."

~~ We could all take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

~~ COURT OF LAW - the place where a suit is pressed
and a man can be taken to the cleaners.

~~ British scholar William Spooner (1844-1930)
was famously absent- minded.
"Was it you or your brother," he once asked a former
student, "who was killed in the war?"

~~ "When I married Donna, I could get both hands around
her waist," said my husband's grandfather.
Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted,
"Now look how much I got.
That's what I call an investment!"

~~ A manager of a restaurant had called its owner to
ask about whether or not she should hire a new waitress.
"She can speak twelve different languages,
which will be good for foreign visitors," said the manager.
"All right, so hire her," the owner replied.
"But, sir..."
"I knew there would be a but.
What's wrong with her?"
"Sir, English isn't one of the twelve languages."

Todays Thought:  The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable