Sunday, January 31, 2010

Good Morning Ladies and Gents.........
Today I will let the pictures speak for themselfs.....

I'll leave on this one........



Assume you drive your car at light speed.
What happens when you turn on the front lights?

~~ Having grown up in a small Virginia town, my friend Pete
couldn't wait to tell us all about life in California,
where he was stationed.
"The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said.
Then he grinned. "I even went to a topless bar."
"Really?" said his mother, surprised.
"What do they do if it starts to rain?"

~~ When he blew a wad of money at my blackjack table in the
casino, a customer stood up and yelled, "How do you lose $200
at a $2 table?!"
Before I could speak, another customer replied, "Patience."

~~ My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready
for work. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered.
"oh" she said, walking away. "I thought they were natural."

~~ I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year with
a severe bout of jet lag-induced foot-in-mouth disease.
As we prepared to go to sleep that night, I wrapped my arms
around my better half, gave her a kiss, and announced,
"It's good to be in my own bed, with my own wife!"
Then the fight started......

~~ "I don't understand," asked the ditzy accountant.."
"If you're selling these computers way under cost, how is it you're
showing a profit?"
"Simple," said the businessman .......
"We make our money fixing them."

~~ A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should
meet for dinner.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut
blouses and nice breasts.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discuss
where they should meet.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet
at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good
and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group discusses where they
should meet.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and
quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group discusses where
they should meet.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the
Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair
accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group discusses where
theyshould meet.
Finally it is agreed that the Gausthof zum Lowen
would be a great idea because they have never been there before!.

~~ There is a town where criminals are so tough they attacked
people with chewed-off shotguns.

~~ After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization",
a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the
Professor: "Surely I must.
Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as
is and go.
If you however do not know the answer,
I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal....... So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical,
logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration,
the professor cannot give the student an answer,
and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Later on the professor calls on his best student and asks him
the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married
to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.
Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.
The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A",
although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Todays Thought:  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Good Morning...Friends and neighbors......
Well, the snow is here...started 4:30 this morning...
cold...17º and snow all day.....

Going to be about 7 inches, here, but more south of us....

All I can think is....LAZY.......ha-ha


A Trekkie Dog?  names...enterprise...

OMG...what can I say ???

He's gonna lay back and watch TV.... Me...Too.

Nah, I had pancakes this morning....

I'm prepared.....Got plenty yesterday....

I don't think this thing would be very good in the snow..
~~ A sales representative for a condom company was on her

way to an international condom convention.
Hurrying through the busy airport, she dropped her briefcase
carrying her samples, scattering dozens and dozens of condoms
all over the terminal floor.
She noticed fellow travellers staring at her as she tried to put the
condoms back into her briefcase.
"It's okay," she explained.
"I'm going to a convention."

~~ A cowboy was leading a flock of sheep down Main Street
when the Sheriff ordered him to stop.
"What's wrong?" the cowboy asked.
"I was just heading my ewes into a side street."
"That's the trouble," the Sheriff replied.
"No ewe turns are permitted in this town."

~~ A chief executive was interviewing ambitious young lawyers
for a company post.
"I'm sure you can understand," said the chief executive to the
first applicant, "that in a business such as this, our personal
integrity must be beyond question.
So what I really need to know is, are you an honest lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the young lawyer.
"Let me tell you something about honest.
I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education,
and I paid back every last cent the minute I tried my very first
"That's very impressive," said the chief executive.
"And what sort of case was it?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted:
"My father sued me for the money."

~~ Q: Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
A: So he could sleep like a log.

~~ "In answer to your question," the new South American
President told a reporter during his first United States visit,
"our most popular sport is bullfighting."
Shaking his head, the sportswriter muttered,
"I always thought that was revolting."
Without missing a beat, the President replied,
"No, that's our second most popular pastime."

~~ Miss Emily was everybody's favorite spinster.
Every year, for her birthday, she received dozens of little gifts
from friends and family.
Year after year the knickknacks were added to, and soon filled
every corner of the house.
On her hundredth birthday, her niece asked what she wanted
this year.
Miss Emily said, "I'll take a kiss.
Anything I don't have to dust!"

~~ Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening
as they have done for the past 35 years.
Max, the older, had been having problems remembering what
cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife.
At the end of the card game Ed said to Max,
"You did very good tonight.
You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"
Max replied, "Why ever since my wife sent me to that memory
school, I haven't had any problems at all."
"Memory school?..... What memory school?"
Max thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red
with thorns?...... A really pretty flower...?"
"A rose?"
"Yeah...that's it!"
Max turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose!
What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"

~~ Today, while playing "20 Questions" with my friend, I asked,
"Monsters or aliens?"
She gave it some thought, then responded,
"Well, I've never actually met a monster, so I'm going to have to
go with aliens."

~~ "As another year rolls in," read an ad in our paper,
"we'd like to offer our best wishes to all of you who have given
us reason to celebrate."
It was signed: "Gunter's Funeral Homes."

~~ A man left his cat with his brother while he went on
vacation for a week.
When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he
could pick the cat up.
The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you
were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have
broken the news to me better than that.
When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof
and wouldn't come down.
Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he
had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up.
Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had
passed away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."

Todays Thought:  Success is getting what you want.
Happiness is wanting what you get.


Friday, January 29, 2010

Good Morning....Friends....Cold this morning.....
Summerld sez; they need snow....
We're supposed  to get 6+....send trucks!

Sunrise this morning....

Global warming ptotest......

He's got his tennyboots on, and is ready....

Thats what you get for running around all night!


You don't play fair!!

Now he thought that was funny.......

He didn't find it funny....

Anybody got a umbrella??

Okay...Okay.I give got me......
~~ An old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to
return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very
Doc says, "What's the problem?
Didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc,
but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the
past 2 years!"

~~ Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer.
We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided
to call the customer support phone number we found in the
I picked up the phone and called the number.
A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.
He began rattling off computer jargon.
This confused us even more.
"Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I
were a small child?"
"Okay," the computer support guy said,
"Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"

~~ A drunken man gets on the bus late one night,
staggers up the aisle,
and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you.
going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts,
"Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

~~ "A man in Sicily had himself arrested so he wouldn't have to
spend the holidays with his relatives.
How many guys are going, 'Why didn't we think of that?'"

~~ While I was visiting a friend, his university-age daughter
hurried into the room.
She enthusiastically explained her plans for the afternoon and
ended with a request for some pocket money.
With an exaggerated sigh and roll of his eyes,
my friend reached for his wallet.
"Maybe you'd like a money tree out in the backyard," he grumbled, winking at me.
Kissing him on the cheek, and with a grin of her own, she replied:
"Oh, no, Daddy. We'd never replace you!"

~~ Riding on a bus, a commuter was reading a newspaper
article about life-expectancy statistics.
Turning to the man beside her, she asked,
"Do you know that every time I breathe, someone dies?"
"That's interesting," he answered.
"Have you ever tried mouthwash?"

~~ Returning home from the class field trip, Larry said,
"Mom, I got in trouble at the zoo for feeding the ostrich."
"Why did that get you in trouble?"
"Because," replied Larry, "I fed it to the tigers."

~~ The goaltender threw a party after his team won the
championship, and as a special honor asked the coach to
say grace.
Finishing up the short prayer, the team's guiding light said,"
...we thank you, Lord, in the name of the Father, Son, and
goalie host."

~~ Q: A general was injured in the war.
How was he removed from the battlefield?
A: By his privates.

~~ Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the
entire ceremony.
When it was over, she asked her mother,
"Why did the lady change her mind?"
Her mother asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came
back with another one."

Todays Thought:  Life is not fair. It's not fair to everyone, therefore, it's fair.


Thursday, January 28, 2010

Good Morning...Friends and neighbors.......
50º degrees today....but a cold snowy,
weekend coming up.....

Here's the latest addition to Vancouver Harbour....

the Winter Olympics rings have been illuminated....
Thanks, Carol......

Do you think I could ride this up there?

No....we'll turn it stew...

Gonna get a bigger couch......

Dance away.....

Hoppy is that you?

Got any big fish?.....

Lets go swimming..... are you chicken?



~~ As part of his weekly supermarket shop, a man went to the

meat counter to buy a pack of boneless chicken breasts but
was disappointed because they were all too small.
So he complained to the butcher and she promised to pack up
some more and to have them ready for him by the time he had
finished his shopping.
He continued with the rest of his shopping until a few aisles
further on, he heard her voice boom out over the public address
system: "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts
please meet me at the back of the store."

~~ Jim was seconds away from having a vasectomy when
his brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn baby.
"Stop" exclaimed the brother. "You can't go through with this!"
"And why not?" asked Jim.
"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby some day,
like my wife and I have here?"
Jim said nothing.
The brother grew impatient.
"Come on, Jim, I want a nephew.
Make me an uncle."
Jim couldn't take any more of this.
He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother:
"Are you sure you want a nephew?"
"Absolutely," said the brother.
"Well, congratulations," said Jim, "You're holding him!"

~~ When caught speeding, a soldier on military leave tried to
talk the policewoman out of giving him a ticket.
He inquired, "Would it make a difference if I told you that I'm in
the Air Force?"
The police officer answered, "Yes, but only if you were driving an

~~ An elderly lady fills out the registration form at a doctor's office.
After the address, the form asks for "Zip" She writes,
"Not bad for my age!"

~~ A man was going through the factory of a company that
made plastic shapes.
As he arrived, a huge number of horse's heads had rolled off
the line. Puzzled, he asked, "What do you do with these horse's
His guide said, "We send them to Washington for final assembly!"

~~ A university professor is lecturing a class, the subject for the
day being the mating habits of the alligator.
The professor says, "The female alligator lays three million four
hundred thousand eggs at one time.
The male alligator eats three million, three hundred and
ninety-five of those eggs."
From the back of the room, a student raises his hand and asks,
"Sir, why does the male alligator eat all those eggs?"
The professor answers, "Because if he didn't we'd be up to our
asses in alligators!"

~~ My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of
financial difficulties.
So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond
wedding ring that symbolized our marriage.
"With this ring..." I began romantically.
"We could pay off Visa," he responded.

~~ A mess officer was bugged because too much bread was
being left over.
Some of the soldiers complained that it was too hard.
The mess officer said, "If Napoleon's troops had that bread,
They'd have eaten it down to the last crumb."
A young soldier said, "I believe that, sir.... But it was fresh then!"

~~ New York Tribune founder Horace Greeley (1811-1872),
who insisted that the word "news" was plural, once sent a
telegram to a Tribune staffer: "ARE THERE ANY NEWS?"
Replied the staffer: "NOT A NEW."

~~ One of the many funny stories told about President
George Bush concerns a visit he once made to an old people's
After speaking to a few of the residents, the president asked of
one old lady, "Do you know who I am?"
"No" came the snappy reply,
"but I'm sure if you ask at reception they'll be able to tell you."

Todays Thought: "Fair" and "justice" is a myth propounded by lawyers who seek

and obtain half.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Good Morning....Everybody..... Ant bad out now....
But just wait until the weekend.....Snow!

For Breakfast?? I wanted Burritos......

Thats cool....

What a party...Huh?
Now who's gonna sweep the floor??

Weird Hi-heels.....

These are some BAD Tomotoes...Huh??

Need a stimlus loan....?

Looking at you Bubba!

"How's life treating you Normy?" ..."Like a baby treats a diaper"


You tell her.....


~~ Q: What's the real problem with Barack Obama jokes?

A: His followers don't think they're funny, and everyone else
doesn't think they're jokes!

~~ Noah’s ark
"Noah," says the Lord, "for the next flood, I want no animals on
board, just fish.
And not any old fish, but only carp, in glass tanks."
"And this time," says the Lord, "think big, Eight decks at least."
"I got you," says Noah, "what you want is a multi-storey carp ark."

~~ My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a
stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line.
Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside
screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"

~~ I rode home with a female coworker about five years ago.
I asked her to wait for me while I used the ATM machine.
She asked if I trusted "those people."
"People *who*?" I asked?
She said, "The ATM operates by having a person inside the box.
Every time you put in your card, he takes it, looks at it, and
checks his paper files and folders for your account number.
Here he can find your PIN and check the balance.
This person then asks you to ENTER your PIN, cross checks it,
and if all matches, you can proceed.
If not, he keeps your card.
"If you ask for a statement, he types it from his books and you
get the printout.
If you ask for a withdrawal, he checks the balance and any
restrictions, and if all is ok, gives you the amount.
He *then* calls all of the other branches and ATMs, tells them
how much you've withdrawn, so they can update *their* books.
"Wonder where they find all those little people at??"
This person with her ATM theory might have been misinformed...

~~ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on
strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air,
caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot
into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled
with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back
outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside,
and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked,
"Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

~~ My parents recently retired.
Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought
her a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad,
"I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."
"How come?" I asked.
"Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."

~~A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is
wife a new car.
She curtly declines his offer by saying,
"That's not quite what I had in mind."
Frantically he offers her a new house.
Again she rejects his offer,
"That's not quite what I had in mind."
Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"
She retorts, "I'd like a divorce."
He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."

~~ Two guys rob a store, they burst out the door running as
they hear the sirens of cop cars coming closer.
The two dive into two separate bushes hoping they won't get
Soon the cop cars stop near the bushes and the two robbers
hearing foot steps grow more nervous.
A cop then grabs one of the guys out the bush laughing "Busted".
As he drags the robber off he looks back shaking his head in
shame... "Come on John!!!!!!!!" he screams "They got US!"

~~ Q: Why are robots never afraid?
A: Because they have nerves of steel.

~~ Did you hear about the Jewish family who kept such a
kosher home that they had two smoke detectors in their kitchen?

Todays Thought:  It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.