Friday, July 31, 2009

Good Morning.....peoples.........Ready for a great weekend?
I know some that arn't....

Driving Miss Daisy..........

He's saying...."watch out..don't run over me"....


Yada.....that you??


If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) And came upon the following poster......... I mean seriously, would you quit drinking?


"Watch that first step"... it's along way down......


Round them sheep up...Pard....


Fight! Fight!.................

. gotta watch them every minute!



~~~ My Grandad used to put a spoonful of gunpowder into his tea every morning.
He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of 97.
He left a widow, two children, 14 grandchildren and a 50 foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

~~~ Two church members were going door to door and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them.
She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did close and in fact bounced back open.
She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result--the door bounced back open.
Convinced these young people were putting their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

~~~ A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff!
I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

~~~ Some mornings I wake up bitchy.
Other mornings I let her sleep.

~~~ Two friends meet each other on the street. "Hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill.
"Oh, don't ask me!..... I'm coming from the cemetery.
I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid.
"I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?".
"It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a heck of a fight!"

~~~ THE NOSE...Indicates the character of the man.
Prominent noses = intelligence and determination.
Thin noses = jealousy and uncertainty.
Receding noses = bad temper and obstinacy.
Tip-tilted noses = bright and lively characters.
There is said to be a connection between the size of a man's nose and...well you know.

~~~ THE EYES...Are the 'windows to the soul' and the color leads to differing beliefs.
Dark blue eyes = delicate and refined souls
Light blue or Grey eyes = strong and healthy souls
Green eyes = hardy souls
Brown or Hazel eyes = vigorous, deep-thinking folk/souls.

~~~ A young woman was our guide on a tour of the old Alaskan Gold Rush town of Skagway.
I'd heard how guys are the majority in that part of the country, so I asked her: "What's the ratio of men to women here?"
"In Skagway? About one to one.
But I'm told Juneau has something like ten men for every woman," she said.
"Why didn't you move there?" I said......."The odds seem so much better."
"Oh, the odds are good," she acknowledged with a smile, "but the goods are odd."

~~~ Although a bright and able man, my husband is almost completely helpless when faced with even the simplest domestic chore.
One day, in exasperation. I pointed out to him that our friend, Bea had taught her husband, Frank, to cook, sew and do laundry, and that if anything ever happened to Bea, Frank would be able to care for himself.
Then I said, "What would you do if anything happened to me?"
After considering that possibility for a moment, my husband said happily, "I'd move in with Frank."

~~~ My friend Jan told me about her son's fifth-grade career day, where the children were asked, "Who knows what a psychiatrist does?"
Jan's son replied, "That's someone who asks you to lie down on a couch and then blames everything on your mother."

~~~ When our last child moved out, my wife encouraged me to join Big Brothers.
I was matched with a 13-year-old named Alex.
At our first outing, we ran into his friend at the library.
"Who's he?" the friend asked Alex, pointing to me."
My Big Brother, Randall."The boy looked at me, then back at Alex.
"Dude, how old is your mother?"
Todays Thought: Leisure time is when your wife can't find you.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Good Morning.....Friends and neighbours....A nice day today......
Welcome all the friends from the forum......
Got to be more careful..........


Up...up, and away!....looks like a cool ride.....

He's saying he's hungry.....and would like to have a mouse......
This guy got the mouse for breakfast.......

She's praying that something comes along .......

Look out!!.....

Me and sweet one would like to spend some time here.....

A cool building........
~~~ The Doctor told me: "Yes, nuts can be good for you as long as they aren't preceded by the word, 'dough'."

~~~ DAUGHTER TO MOTHER AT THE DINNER TABLE: "There's war, disease, poverty, and violent crime all over the world...and your greatest concern is me not eating peas!"

~~~ The barber's client looked depressed, so the barber told him, "Cheer up.
I knew a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn't pay.
He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour.
A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around.
Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff's edge."
"Incredible," said the client.
"Who were these kind people?"
"The passengers on the bus."

~~~ July is the peak month for ice cream sales in the U.S. and:
Lasagna Awareness Month..
National Baked Bean Month..
National Culinary Arts Month..
National Horseradish Month..
National Hot Dog Month..
National Ice Cream Month..
National July Belongs to Blueberries Month..
National Picnic Month..
National Pickle Month ..

~~~ "Steaks are always rare at our house," said Gus to his doctor.
"What! Don't you know it's dangerous to eat undercooked meat?"
"No, No, it's not that.
We only have them once a month!"

~~~ An older woman is talking to Jim on the telephone: "When I was 15, my parents said I could date when I'm 16.
When I was 16, my parents said I could date when I'm 17.
To make a long story short, Jim, call back next year.

~~~ Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

~~~ In Iowa there was a petition going around to move the Nation's Capitol to Des Moines. There were a lot of reasons given, but the main one: It seems there is so much pork going on in Washington that the Iowa Legislature is worried about the State losing it's 'pork production' ranking.

~~~ Gus: Doctor, doctor, I feel better today!
The only thing still bothering me is my breathing!
Doctor: Don't worry, we'll put a stop to that!

~~~ My wife was rushed into hospital last night suffering from swine flu.
I was in a state of shock, my hands were shaking and with a lump in my throat, I nervously asked the doctor the question I hoped I would never have to ask...
How the heck do you use a washing machine ?

~~~ The big electronic computer in the accounting department performed admirably until summer weather arrived.
Then it practically quit.
A diagnosis of the trouble revealed that the machine was extremely sensitive to changes in temperature, so the only thing to do was to move it into an air-conditioned room.
Now, as we office drones perspire and droop, we are treated to the vision of the computer operating coolly and efficiently beyond the glass wall of its private office.
What was that again about men being smarter than machines?

~~~ Learn to love your enemies......... Without them, you have no one to blame but yourself.

~~~ A waiter suddenly became ill and was rushed to the hospital.
He was lying on the operating table in extreme pain when he saw an intern go by.
"Doctor, help me!" pleaded the waiter.
"Sorry," replied the intern. "That isn't my table."
Today's Thought; Everything that happens will happen today...
And nothing has changed, but nothings the same...
and every tomorrow could be yesterday...
And and everything that happens will happen today...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Good rainy morning......thunder boomers here......
Hope I finish before I get cut off.....

How about this old homestead.....

Taz, wanna buy some nice shoes?...


Cool picture........


What can I say........



Some one's gonna be in a heap of trouble.........

. She caught the that's were it went!


Reminds me of them old guys with the mustaches and beards.....




~~~ An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

~~~ A fifth grader looks sad, so her teacher asks, "What's the problem?
I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes it is," the little girl says. "I accidentally made my homework paper into a paper airplane."
"That wasn't a very bright thing to do," says the teacher, "but just this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won't work," the girl says, looking even sadder.
"You see, the plane was eaten by my dog."

~~~ The best gift you can give to someone costs nothing. It takes only a moment to deliver it, but the memory of it can last a lifetime.
It's the one thing people can wear that never goes out of style, and one size fits everyone....... It's called a smile.

~~~ A teacher asked his class, "If I stop a man from beating his donkey, what virtue would I be demonstrating?"
To which Joey replied, "Brotherly love?"

~~~ A young couple who were having considerable marital difficulties were persuaded by their friends to see a marriage counselor.
"Don't you two have anything in common? he asked them.
"Oh yes," said the wife.
"We do agree on one thing: neither of us can stand the other."

~~~ Sherry said; A patient at the dental office where I worked came by to pay her bill.
She began rummaging in her purse.
"Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering the use of mine.
"Yes, thank you," she said.
She took it, put it in her purse, and proceeded to pay in cash."

~~~ The inherent downside in a life of pursuing women is the possibility of inadvertently catching one.

~~~ Our friend worked in an office where an email flame war erupted.
Co-workers were blasting outraged notes back and forth.
Finally, the boss stepped in.
The emails stopped, and everyone got back to work.
Then the boss sent one more email: Thank goodness that's solved.
Does anyone have any questions?"
The flame war was rekindled when a woman, forgetting an important comma, responded, "No thanks to you."

~~~ I was furiously cranking out reports when my officemate got a phone call.
I did my best to ignore what I heard him tell the person on the other end: "No, I'm not busy.
I'm just at work."

~~~ After being elected president of a local women's club, one woman wondered if the job would take too much of her time.
After listening to her worries, her husband recommended that she learn to delegate responsibility.
"All right," she smiled........ "Go take out the garbage!"

~~~ Somebody just gave me a shower radio.
Thanks a lot.... Do you really want music in the shower?
I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Good Morning....friends and other readers..... Hot today...
I see the today Show is in Key West today....
I wish I were there with "Pretty Lady".
Another local picture.......

Cute puppy........

Rough looking pair........

I sure don't understand........


What a big cats would go wild........

No...No...not me........

Looks like the go into someones stash.......will they get high?
~~~ Taz mailed......
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the groceryStore.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, canYou tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street acoupla blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday.
I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office."

~~~ Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These she explained, "Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."
She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered,.... 'They send us on bus tours! '

~~~ Girl hiker: “I placed an ad in our local paper under a box number for a male partner to accompany me to a fortnight’s hiking trip.”
Second hiker: “Interesting........ Did you get any replies?”
First hiker: “Hundreds, but there was a terrible row over it at our house.”
Second hiker: “How come?”
First hiker: “Father was one of the applicants!”

~~~ “Some men hunger for love, some for fame, some for money.”
“I know something everyone thirsts after.”
“What’s that?” “Salted peanuts.”

~~~ Pete: “So how did you find the weather while you were away?”
Gus: “I just looked out the window, and there it was!”

~~~ My mother was asked to open her bag when she visited the annual Army show on a nearby base.
She was appalled by the indignity and said so: "You searched me last year!"

~~~ DAUGHTER TO HER MOTHER: "The bad news is, they want to raise taxes on the wealthy.
The good news is, if you buy me everything I want, you'll never be wealthy!"

~~~ Winding his way through the office cubicles my son Mike spotted one of his employees playing a video game on the computer.
"Why aren't you working?" Mike asked him.
The employee had an excellent excuse: "I didn't see you coming."

~~~ My husband worked with identical twins, and the only way to tell them apart was by the goatee one of them sported.
The day he shaved it off, his brother studied his face before commenting, "You know, you look better with a goatee."

~~~ Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner.
Not one night without complaining about the food."
"That's awful," the other woman says..... "That must really bother you."
"No, not in the slightest," says the first one.
"You must be a saint," her friend says.
"Why should I object?" the first one says.
"A lot of people don't like their own cooking."

~~~ Q: Why should teenagers not drink coffee with school day breakfasts?
A: I might keep them awake in class.
~~~ My roomate came in from his English midterm looking upset.
"How'd it go?" I asked.
Throwing down his book bag, he said,"Does F-A-L-E mean anything to you?"
Todays thought; A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Good Morning....Everyone....Have a good weekend??

Now, you all know I love old buildings.... how about this old Barn?

I thought I would throw a couple local pictures in, this morning...

Milo checking a bird out......

I have no idea......... I just thought it was interesting.....

The pizzas are made with mozzarella, tomato, cumin, mealworms and beetle larvae....

Nice swing.......


Eno, my favorite.......
~~~ Gus and Pete were speculating on how long they might live, and Gus says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him.
"After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96."
"Ninety-six?...... What finally got him?"...... Pete asks.
"Liquor and women."
"Well, that just goes to show you," snickers Pete, "both will get you in the end."
"Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says Gus.
"Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."

~~~ My quiet Sunday morning ended abruptly when my 14-year-old son, Brian, and one of his friends burst through the door.
"Hey Dad, announced Brian, "have you met the new neighbors?"
"No.""Come on Dad, you have to meet them."
"Some other time; I'm busy."
"Dad, you have to meet them now."
From the urgency in Brian's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside.
I set aside my project and went to the front of the house.
No one was there. "Where are they?" I asked.
"Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our football is in their living room."

~~~ A college freshman comes home for Christmas after being away all semester.
Her father looks her up and down, then says, "Aren't you a lot thinner than when you went away?"
"Yes I am, Dad," the girl admits.
"I weigh 125 pounds stripped for gym."
The father stares at her for a moment in horrified amazement.
Finally, he shouts, "Well, tell me this: Just who in the devil is Jim?"

~~~ I was teaching the story of Lazarus to my Sunday school class.
"After his death, many people gathered to console Mary and Martha," I said.
"They treated Lazarus's body, wrapped him, and laid him in the tomb.
After four days of mourning, Lazarus stood up and walked out of the tomb.
Now, what do you think those people were thinking then?"
One of my students spoke up: "All that work for nothing."

~~~ TIMEFOOLERY: Setting the alarm clock ahead of the real time in order to fool yourself into thinking you are not getting up so early.

~~~ I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them.
When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me.
I am bi-sacksual."
Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

~~~ My sister and some of her friends, all housewives, decided they'd form a softball team. Everyone was told where the practice would be and to bring her mitt.
And they did.
Several women arrived wearing their oven mitts.

~~~ A blonde is driving around in her red sports car and gets pulled over by the police.
The policeman approaches the car with the ticket and his pen ready and says, "Young lady, you've been driving almost double the speed limit.
Give me your name, please."
"Hmmph," says the blonde, looking very irritated. "And what are people supposed to call me then?"

~~~ PILLSBURY FAMILY: In the 1970s, a Pillsbury Doughboy family was created and sold as dolls.
Included in the family...
1. Poppie Fresh (a.k.a Mrs. Poppin' Fresh, Pillsbury Doughgirl) (possibly wife, friend, sister, or girlfriend)
2. GrandPopper and GranMommer (grandparents)
3. Biscuit (cat)
4. Flapjack (dog)

~~~ A blizzard had left a snow bank about halfway up our sliding glass doors.
The cats liked to walk on it and peer in almost eyeball to eyeball with us.
One night as we were sitting in the living room, my wife glanced up and muttered, "Peeping toms."

~~~ Doctor, To Gus, You have a broken leg, a broken arm, four fractured ribs, and probably a brain concussion..... Are you in great pain?
Gus: Only when I laugh!

~~~ Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us.
The accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away.
My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box...obviously not knowing how to spell the best one word description:
"Animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party."
Todays Thought: Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Good Morning...Readers.....We're having a good Morning here......

Another foggy sunrise....... We've been having a storm in the evenings
and it makes for a foggy morning......

It's called "Mutton busting"......

Damn....from a Kantucky fried Chicken to a Chiropactors office....

Ugly looking dog.....


Looking for breakfast...are ya??

Easy there.........

Yep....that'll do it every time.........
2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.....
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen...... Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition...... Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil.... Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective..... Here, take this antibiotic.
2009 A.D. – That antibiotic doesn’t work anymore.....Here, eat this root.

~~~ Grandpa is a late convert to the technological age.
The other day, he called my father to complain that he couldn't use his printer:
"The screen says 'Warming Up."
"Dad ran over there, only to find half the printer melted.
"What happened?" he asked.
"I don't know," said Grandpa...... "But even the space heater didn't help."

~~~ "The perils of duck hunting are great...especially for the duck."
(Walter Cronkite...1916--2009)

~~~ On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet.
All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.

~~~ "Father giving advice to son: Never do anything once around the house that you don't want to do for the rest of your life."

~~~ My five-year-old nephew came running into the house, crying and shaking his right hand. Sobbing, he told me he had been bouncing the basketball and it had bounced into the end of his fingers.
From the way he was crying, I knew he just needed a kiss-it- better cure.
His crying subsided and as he turned to go back outside, he said absently, "...or was it this hand?"

~~~ TACT: The art of getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.

~~~ Despite the fact that my in-laws had little interest in sports, we were watching a football game on television.
The field was white and it was still snowing.
My father-in-law wondered how they could play in such weather, and I answered that sometimes it added to the game to play under those conditions.
Then my mother- in-law asked, "Doesn't it make it difficult to slide into home plate?"

~~~ Before I started Posting here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language.
Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.

~~~ Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets.
According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six midgets living here.
They sent enough money so that we could finance the building of homes and let the "little people" pay less than the going rate for rent.
Since we have only one "little person" living here it turns out that he won't have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy covers everything.
We call it a "Stay Free Mini Pad."

~~~ STATE OF THE ART: Anything that you can’t afford.

~~~ My friend Billy's cat, Sam, loved riding in Billy's car, and it was always a battle if the animal was outside and he wanted to leave it at home.
One day Billy left Sam on the front steps and got into his car.
He was on the highway when suddenly he had to slam on the brakes to avoid the car ahead, and a screaming ball of fur slid down the front windshield.
Afterwards, Sam travelled everywhere with Billy.

~~~ Short guys are always saying stupid things to me because I'm so tall.
One guy asked, "Do you play basketball?"
I said, "No, do you play miniature golf?"
Todays Thought: Kids never change.
First they won't hang up their clothes, then they won't hang up the phone.