Thursday, January 31, 2008

Ice storm tonight....

Damn, Canuk's sending their cold weather down to us............

That Snowman can catch the big ones....................................
Got to be crazy................................................................
What.....Huh.....What did ya say ?.............................................

Hard boiled eggs for breakfast ?...............................................

A salesman took a wrong turn down an old road in the winter time.
The temp was blowing out at 20 degrees below zero.
He looks over in a field and sees a man cutting ice blocks on a small pond wearing
only a pair of cut off blue jeans and a T-shirt.
Gets out of his car and walks over. Staring at him for a minute he finally says you
have to be the toughest man I have ever seen and met in my life.
The man looks up and states why would you say that sir.
The salesman said how can you stand cutting ice blocks wearing only what your wearing?
The man stated, I'm a Canadian but I'm not as tough as my friend from Virginia.
Why would you say that the salesman asked.
Well because my friend is on the other end of the saw........

Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico.
They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck
concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana, they were clever, but not bright.
They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Another warm day...But tomorrow.......

I guess I got a bad mind.......
Lookit me,Iz like a Panda berr.............................

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older.
The first guy said, "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.
"Well," replied the first.
"I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is
healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Well, years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get
these terrible headaches." he answered.
"Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."

One day in January 2000 actor Jan-Michael Vincent took Viagra.
The little blue pill worked a little too well.
Vincent had to be rushed to the hospital and was not released until the erection
subsided...four days later.
[Now...I don't know about you, but I was wondering.........
What happened to his wife or G/f???]

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

55 degrees today......

Oh.. No..It's the Joker........
Their all dreaming........................
A woman was reporting her car stolen, and mentioned that
there was a car phone in it.
The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the
guy who answered the phone and told the him that he had read
the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car.
They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

A man and his wife are watching a championship boxing match on TV.
Early in the second round, one of the fighters goes down for the count.
The husband sighs and says, "I'm so disappointed.
It was all over in four minutes!"
The wife replies, "Good.......
Now you know how I feel."

Monday, January 28, 2008

A nice sunny day......

Just what we need..................not
What came to mind...."Fly like an Eagle".....
This would look very funny at a coffee shop.......
What will he do when they "Crap" on him ?

A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Hillary
Clinton is attending, and trying to gather more support for her nomination.
Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts to belittle him by
talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing
around her head.
The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called.
But I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.
They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling
around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later
she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for citizens of
New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies though."

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the
old days they were together.
They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more".
They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.
The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank,
picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his
sweetheart to come.
But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.
Grandpa went home in such anger.
He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow.
He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned:
"Why didn't you come to our date?"
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly:
"Mom didn't allow me to go..."

Sorry about yesterday....had to make a trip to the E.R.
But everything's O.K.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Sat. Jan 26th.~~~

I'm convinced that in a past life I was somebody named Occupant,
and they're still forwarding my mail.

Women believe in love at first sight; men believe in it at firstopportunity.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.
Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

I hate talking cars. A voice out of nowhere says things like, "Your door is ajar.
Why don't they say something really useful, like
'There's a state trooper hiding behind that bush.'"

Marriage is the union of two individuals, one who never remembers birthdays
and the other who never forgets them.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Fri. Jan. 25th.~~~

Couple Birthday's today......Happy Birthday.. "Scott"
My wife, is what you could call "old school."
Recently, I strapped on a step counter and went for a walk with her.
"What's that?" she asked.
"An exercise tool that keeps track of your steps," I said.
"I'm hoping it will help me lose weight."
Clearly unconvinced, she asked, "Wouldn't it work better if it counted
your bites?"

Mother cat with several kittens are walkingin the park when a handsome Tom catwalks by and says, "Hi, Honey."
Mother cat says, "Don't you 'Honey' me!
You said we were only fighting!"

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Damn, thing has got the aim..............
An't I cute.....I don't post my picture every day....
This is about right...
I have nothing to say.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Politician: A guy who shakes your hand before an election, and your confidence afterwards. ..........

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed..........

"I'm also on my way home from church.
Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill," replied the little boy.
They discovered that they were both going the same way, so they decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl.
"I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea," replied the little boy.
"I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet.
They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked, "You know, I never realized before, just how much difference there really is between a BAPTIST and a METHODIST!!!"

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Can you carry this many.............
The sheeple have spoken........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Unable to contain my shock at the $66.52 charge for filling
my car with gas. I said to the attendant, "You know, I was
about your age when I bought my first car. It was a beautiful,
second- hand Oldsmobile that came with a full tank of gas.
And, the whole thing cost me only $65!"
"Gee," he replied, "you must be old!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My favorite diet (Originated by Rosie Greer - remember him?)
Rosie's "Seafood Diet." "If I see food, I eat it."

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Tues. Jan. 22ad.~~~

What are you lookin at ?...............
Peep...Peep...Got anything to eat ?
We're buddies...............


After pumping gas at a self-serve station, my brother realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the attendant what had happened, then asked his wife, who was in the car, to get out and wait at the station. He then jumped in the car and took off. About 15 minutes later, he returned, paid the attendant and explained the whole thing to his wife. "But why did you leave me there?" "I had to leave something for collateral......"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A grandmother was telling her grandson what her own childhood was like. As she reminisced, she said things like:"We used to skate outside on a pond." "I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. "We rode our pony.""We picked wild raspberries in the woods. "The little boy stared at his grandmother, wide-eyed, taking it all in. At last he said, "Grandma, I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nowadays they spend twenty thousand dollars for a school bus to pick the kids up at the door so they don't have to walk. Then they spend two hundred thousand dollars for a gym so they can get some exercise. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A husband returns home from work one night to discover that his wife is missing. He spends the next two days looking for her, only to come home on the second night and find his spouse sitting in the kitchen, eating some pasta.
"You're alive!" he cries. "Where have you been all this time?"
"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week," she replies.
"But you've only been gone two days"
"Yeah, I'm just here to get something to eat then I'm Goin Back".

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mon. Jan. 21st.~~~

I don't think this would drive too good......
Give us a break.......
How to carry a log with a motorbike.....
A clay Hillery...................
A clay George w........

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Sun. Jan. 20th.~~~

He will never get it....The news outlets won't even say his name .......
Pretty bad they won't give him a Chance. The parties are afraid of him..............
They might lose their jobs. Nothing here folks...move along.....just greed.
In January 2002, Congressman John Dingell was stopped by security guards at Washington's Reagan National Airport. When he triggered the metal detector, the 75-year-old Congressman was asked to remove his overcoat.
When he triggered the alarm again, he was asked to remove his suit coat, then his shoes and socks...
When the detector went off yet again, Dingell was escorted to a back room and asked to remove his trousers. The guards, it seemed, refused to believe Dingell's explanation.
The explanation? After a horseriding accident twenty years earlier, he had been implanted with...a metal hip.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Sat. Jan. 19th. ~~~

Well, the snow's leaving pretty fast...will be gone by nite........................

Now were's that Ace...................................
Hell of a place to your step getting out...


Three bulls are standing in a pasture when the first says, "I hear the rancher has bought a young bull to improve the herd". "He only has 60 cows and half are mine, and I don't plan to share". The second bull says, "well, 20 are mine and I don't aim to share either". The youngest bull says only 4 even talk to me, I don't want to give any up". About this time a large semi pulls up and the ramp drops and off struts a hugh Brahma bull who slowly walks over and looks over the top of the 5 strand barb wire fence. The first says, "you know, I've been thinking, since he is new here the right thing to do is share if he wants to". The second says" you know you're right, I think I will share too, if he wants". The third and youngest bull starts snorting and pawing the ground throwing up large clods of dirt. The first two bulls look at the youngest and say, "are you crazy, when they put him in here he will kill you if you attack him". The youngest says, "I'm not going to attack him, I just want him to know I'm a bull too".

Friday, January 18, 2008

Well we got 4 inches snow and a little ice....................
I bet this wouldn't be any good in the snow....................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~................ I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our congressmen.
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet,
he asked about using one of the pills....
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very
strong and very expensive".
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$ 10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa,
"I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,

I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.

He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00." "I know," said Grandpa.
"The hundred is from Grandma."