That Snowman can catch the big ones....................................
What.....Huh.....What did ya say ?.............................................
After pumping gas at a self-serve station, my brother realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the attendant what had happened, then asked his wife, who was in the car, to get out and wait at the station. He then jumped in the car and took off. About 15 minutes later, he returned, paid the attendant and explained the whole thing to his wife. "But why did you leave me there?" "I had to leave something for collateral......"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A grandmother was telling her grandson what her own childhood was like. As she reminisced, she said things like:"We used to skate outside on a pond." "I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. "We rode our pony.""We picked wild raspberries in the woods. "The little boy stared at his grandmother, wide-eyed, taking it all in. At last he said, "Grandma, I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nowadays they spend twenty thousand dollars for a school bus to pick the kids up at the door so they don't have to walk. Then they spend two hundred thousand dollars for a gym so they can get some exercise. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A husband returns home from work one night to discover that his wife is missing. He spends the next two days looking for her, only to come home on the second night and find his spouse sitting in the kitchen, eating some pasta.
"You're alive!" he cries. "Where have you been all this time?"
"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week," she replies.
"But you've only been gone two days"
"Yeah, I'm just here to get something to eat then I'm Goin Back".
Three bulls are standing in a pasture when the first says, "I hear the rancher has bought a young bull to improve the herd". "He only has 60 cows and half are mine, and I don't plan to share". The second bull says, "well, 20 are mine and I don't aim to share either". The youngest bull says only 4 even talk to me, I don't want to give any up". About this time a large semi pulls up and the ramp drops and off struts a hugh Brahma bull who slowly walks over and looks over the top of the 5 strand barb wire fence. The first says, "you know, I've been thinking, since he is new here the right thing to do is share if he wants to". The second says" you know you're right, I think I will share too, if he wants". The third and youngest bull starts snorting and pawing the ground throwing up large clods of dirt. The first two bulls look at the youngest and say, "are you crazy, when they put him in here he will kill you if you attack him". The youngest says, "I'm not going to attack him, I just want him to know I'm a bull too".