Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
The old priest suggested, "Cross your arms over your chest,
The new priest crossed his arms, rubbed his chin with one hand,
The old priest asked, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Bought a black 2 door 900.....In 1960,drove it more then 150 thousand miles.
Wife had one of these for years..
A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ...
I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl .. once.
I guess she was the one perfect girl .
The only perfect girl I really ever met.
She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Crozet Tunnel, Inside..
The Crozet Tunnel.....
Overseen byClaudius Crozet as chief engineer , the crossing was accomplished by using four tunnels, including the 4,263-foot (1,299 m) Blue Ridge Tunnel near the top of the pass.
When complete, it was the longest in the US and one of the longest tunnels in the world,
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper.
It doesn't permanently solve any problems,
but it makes things more acceptable for awhile.
A auto mechanic, received a repair order that read:
Check for clunking noise when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn,
and a moment later heard a clunk.
He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk.
Back at the shop he opened the trunk and soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation:
"Remove bowling ball from trunk."
Friday, October 19, 2007
Sadie and the pups playing..
Birds of a feather flock together ... and crap on your car.
Monday, October 15, 2007
But I can post a joke....
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde who knocks everyone's
socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask,"Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're amazed, but continue to ask.
"So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age," Bob replies "What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous,
harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin.
"Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he said.
"I've just lost you in a card game."
"How did you manage to do that, genius?"
she asked sarcastically.
"It wasn't easy," he told her.
"I had to fold with a royal flush."
Friday, October 12, 2007
I don't know what it is...and i don't wanna......
Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they can find someone in Washington who has read them.
I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our congressmen.
I hope Congress don't raise the standard of living any higher; I can't afford it now.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Won't be long now.....
Ed and Ted went to the fair.
They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look.
"What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine.
"Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet.
And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.
"I can do that!" Ed said confidently.
"No you can't," said Ted.
"I sure as hell can!" said Ed.
"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted."Watch this,"
said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.
The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back.
After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.
He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted.
"Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked.
"Remember three months ago," Ed said..."When my wife had whooping cough...?"
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Holy Painted Eyebrows, Batman!
Dining out one evening, I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table.
When one girl pulled out a camera, I offered to take picture of the group.
After one photo, I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't come out.
"Oh, no, that's okay," she said, as she took back her camera.
"I always get double prints."
Yep, they walk among us....and they reproduce.
Handle every situation like a dog.......
If you can't eat it or hump it.
Piss on it and walk away.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
"Where's your license," asked the warden.
"Don't know," said the hunter.
"OK, you're under arrest for no license.
"No way," said the hunter. "You drag it."
Two hours later, after the warden had dragged the deer to the road, the hunter said,
Monday, October 1, 2007
Toco Bell cat.....
Bad to tha bone.....
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room.
She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination.
Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully, with considerable appreciation.
"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."