Friday, September 28, 2007

Hitch a ride....

Teach them hate young....
Look we come.......
A saucer descends upon a shack in a remote southern town.
They immediately proceed to corral the already stupefied family and begin to herd them on to an awaiting ship.
The dad, seated in the back can be seen furiously spraying himself with a can labeled "Alien Abduction Protection Spray."
Amused, the two aliens move back toward the man and observe his frantic exercise.
After he completely empties the can onto himself, the aliens grab each of his arms and start to escort him to the door.
He starts yelling out, "Hey, you can't abduct me, I'm protected by that there "Abduction repellent!"
The two aliens look at each other and one of them says, "The only thing in that can is deodorant."
They continue to drag him out the door.
"Ha!" says the man. "Ma friend Pete said that he sprays this on himself every night and he's never been abducted his whole life."
"Well your friend Pete forgot to tell you to spray BEFORE we find you.
You don't think we used our EYES to find rednecks in the middle of the woods at 3 a.m.,
did you?"

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Oh...Well another Day....

The teacher asks his class to make sentences with words he choses. . . little johnny's hand goes up...
O.K. the teacher says' make a sentence containing...
DEFEAT, DEDUCT, DEFENCE and DETAIL....' Johnny thinks for a minute then says....
defeat of deduct went over defence before detail...........

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sorry...I'm late...

Shopping cart...down under.
We know, we know you want to kill all.
No! that's an asshole.

A couple is taking a stroll in a lovely meadow when they come upon a wishing well.
The woman leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a quarter.
Her husband decides he wants to make a wish, also.
Unfortunately, he leans over too far, falls down into the well, and drowns.
The woman stands there shaken for a moment, and then exclaims,

I know....I bad.

Friday, September 21, 2007

On the deck....

Breakfast on the deck this morning...
Real nice day....
Hummingbird's haven't left yet....She's having breakfast too.

Funny for today....
A huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole,
shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it." ~~~

Thursday, September 20, 2007

You can tell I like old barns and buildings..

A young lady, while scanning the menu at a restaurant with her boyfriend, saw that all the appealing dishes were expensive.
"How much do you love me?" she asked him.
Still looking at the menu he replied, "Probably more than corned beef, but not as much as a lobster."

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success by sucking up to the boss rather than working for it.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

The rat pack....

Miss Maggie..
The Rats......
Fall is on its way....Gettin the Hey in....

Couples who have lived together a long time Have their own way of communicating.
A woman over heard her aunt and uncle one day:
"What are you looking for in that closet?" Sadie asked.
"Nothing," Morris answered.
"Well, it's not in there. Look under the bed."~~~
An elderly couple was attending a church service.
About halfway through the wife leans over and says, ” I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?”
The husband rolls his eyes and replies, ” Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”

Friday, September 14, 2007

Everybody doing O.K.... Geri, from Eons. Glad to have you visiting.

Question: When you apply for Welfare in Mexico what Does the Mexican Government give you ?
Answer: A map to the United States.

Did you know;
ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections."

Monday, September 10, 2007

Is any one awake??

I hurried into a shop, picked up a can of spray, handed it to the clerk and asked.
"Is this good for Wasps?"
After looking at it for a moment He replied "No sir, It will kill them!!!"

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Things getting back to normal....

I guess I better clean up....
Nice view....

QUESTION: When does a person decide to become a tax collector?
ANSWER: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Tell the world....

Boom~Boom !
Carol did this painting very good....
You don't have to tell everybody.....damn!

A man went out behind his barn and caught his son playing with his manhood.
The father said, "Son, get a girl.
She'd be twice as good as what you're doing there."
The son replied, "Dad, if she'd twice as good as this, I don't think I could stand it."

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Well, here it is Labor day weekend......

I have never cared for this...but was asked to post it......

Every body have a great weekend.....We will.

Women ! Who can figure 'em out?
Now that the kids are grown and gone, my wife says she needs more "outside interests".
I thought I'd surprise her and presented her with a brand new fancy lawn mower.
Now, she's mad with me!

I've tried to post everyday....but it's a bit much.
Not much goes on in my life. So now I just post whenever...
I wonder if anybody reads it anyway.
Oh me something to do.