Friday, June 29, 2007

In the pasture of life, don't be a cowpie.

Now....that would tickle!!!

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.
He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,
"Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Old woman sitting alone at a table in a truckers's cafeteria...three tough, very road-weary drivers come in, see the only space to sit is at the table she's at.
They get their trays, sit down with her, and wanting to talk trucker stuff, decide to gross her out.
"Damn", says the first one, giving his armpits a delicate sniff..."I stink...haven't had a bath in three days..."
"Me neither," says his buddy..."In fact, it's been two weeks...."
"Hell, I haven't even been rained on in a month," says the third.
"I tried to change my drawers yesterday, but they fought me!"
The old woman smiles and says, "Would one of you smelly bastards please pass the salt?"

Monday, June 25, 2007

Chance of rain all week.

This barn is at the end of our road.. I see people taking pictures quite often..

A man parked his car in Washington, DC. A policeman rushed to him, shouting, "Are you crazy? Here is where the government is!"
"No problem," the man answered, "I've good locks in my car."

Friday, June 22, 2007

Life goes on..

Hard to remember days like this, when it's 90-100 degrees out..

You know you're a Father when, your famous last words are, "Ask your Mother."
It use to be wine, women and song! Now it's kool-aid, Mom and Barney!
You know what "Honey Do's" are.
You Favorite Football Team is in the Little Leagues!
Everything starts with, "Well, when I was a kid." !
You can't understand how your six year old, turned sixteen over night!
You can recite the entire McDonald's Menu by heart!
You look at your children's sleeping little faces, and tears come to your eyes!

Monday, June 18, 2007

A nice clear day......Hot.

"We've had huge rain storms all the way from Minnesota to New York.
Or as Al Gore calls it, global leaking."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Dial-up sure is slow...............

One day, President Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when all of a sudden one of his secret service agents burst through the door with a long bull whip in his hand.
The president tried to ignore him, thinking it's some kind of gag.
The secret service man then took the bull whip repeatedly "cracking" it while circling the president's desk.
The president looked up and asked him what he was doing, but the secret service agent ignored him and kept cracking the whip.
The president finally had had enough and yelled at the secret service agent,
"By executive order, I demand you tell me what you're doing!"
The secret service agent sheepishly looked up at the president and said, "Sir, I'm just beating around the Bush!"

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


These things came from Pete's Pond......Must have lots cat fish there..

Say what you will about healthy eating and all, but I've always found it awfully difficult to explain to my son (who's 6'4" to my 6' 1 in height), why junk food is bad for you.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

Party time.....
My friend "Pete"

A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room.
"I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
From the back of the room came a voice,
"He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries." ~~~

Thursday, June 7, 2007

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."

"Some politicians in Florida are trying to ban the use of the term 'illegal alien' because they think it is offensive.
The Florida officials say, 'We prefer the term good swimmer.'" --Conan O'Brien

Sunday, June 3, 2007

A nice rain....

A Farmer goes to the Vet and says, "My horse is constipated.
"The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there."
The Farmer comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.
The Vet says, "What happened?"
The Farmer says, "The horse blew first."
(I'm going no farther with this one)