Monday, April 30, 2007

Used tombstone for sale. Ideal for Person Named "Murphy."


Illegal aliens from Mexico are no longer to be called "Wetbacks" They are now to be called Rio "Grande Surfers" ~~~

Saturday, April 28, 2007

A man with worms is never alone.

Gus's desk....?
An old fart !!

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable.
The three of them decide to duck inside.
On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.
"Jesus Christ!" he says.
Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down!
It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!"~~~

Friday, April 27, 2007

Are we havin fun yet ?

cinema freak's car.........Cool!

A MAN WAS walking on the beach and found a bottle.
When he opened it, a genie appeared.
"Thank you for rescuing me," the genie said. "For your kindness, I’ll grant you three wishes."
"For my first wish, I wish for $1 million," said the man.
"For my second wish, I wish for a Lincoln Continental."
Then the man piled all the money into the trunk of the car and was going to drive to the bank. He turned on the radio and began to sing along, "Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener..."

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder..

Fast walker ??
I hate Canadians,They come down here and steal the jobs away from our Mexicans.Damn snowbacks..... LOL just kidding.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

A Nice Spring Day.....

On the deck....having coffee

Prince Charles says he wants to ban McDonald's.
He said banning McDonald's is the key to living a healthy lifestyle.
Really? Why did he single out McDonald's?
I think banning Dominos would make more sense.
They deliver the junk food to your house.
At least with McDonalds you have to get off your fat ass and walk to your car."

Friday, April 20, 2007

Golden Years: When actions creak louder than words.

My new phone......

A flight attendant is on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak develops in the galley, which eventually soaks the carpet throughout the aft cabin of the 747.
A very sleepy woman who becomes aware of the dampness tugs at the attendant's skirt as
she passes by.
“Has it been raining?” she asks the flight attendant.
Keeping a straight face, she replies, “Yes, but we put the top up.”
With a sigh of relief, the woman then goes back to sleep.....

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Sadness came on a Monday..Aril 17 2007

I think maybe...spring now......

Now for the joke.....
When Ree's daughter, Amanda, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk.
She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such.
When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk.
'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

When's Summer coming .....?

We try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty
not to go to jail. ~~~

Monday, April 9, 2007

Super Squrrill......

Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern.
At the table next to them sat a young girl.
The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB.
"The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH."
The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM."
The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer.
She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look, you hayseeds, it's WOMB.
That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left.
Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well, I don't know.
A slip of a girl like that, I don't see how she could know.
I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"~~~

Sunday, April 8, 2007

In case you miss the Sunrise.....

Happy Easter! ..............

Damn....I'm early. Damn...I'm Pretty............

Damn....All my Chocolate Marshmallow Eggs are gone.....

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Snow--Snow--Snow .......

2-3 inches snow.....

Now You Know...The name for the space between your eyebrows is 'nasion'.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Squrrllie time........

A black dude!
Got any nuts ??

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey

Thursday, April 5, 2007


Biting Nails Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.
"I do wish that my Gus would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."
"My Pete used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."
"I hid his teeth."

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

87 degrees today......stay tuned!

You Are Seeing Another Woman:
Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the DoDo and the Unicorn.
Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN"
Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth" and went to sleep.
Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve.
"What the heck are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm counting your ribs" she responded.

Monday, April 2, 2007


Bird Lover
Gus is a evening bird lover.
One day he stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot.
So he thought he'd give a hoot back.
To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again.
The next night the same scenario occurred.
All summer, Gus and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.
He even kept a log of the "conversations."
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication.
His wife, Ruby, had a chat with her next door neighbour,"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," she said.
"That`s odd," the neighbour replied.
"So does my husband."~~~

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Seeing eye Cat ?

It was the pastor's fiftieth birthday, so his congregation decided to give him a new suit.
He was so touched by their gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and, with tears in his eyes, announced, "Today I am preaching to you in my birthday suit!" ~~~